My Oscar Picks

Well, it’s not like I can do so much freaking Oscar reviews without doing a quick prediction. These predictions will have the same format as my Razzie predictions, with my top three picks for every category, except the ones which I haven’t checked out because they didn’t have any Best Picture Nominees (Categories with an “*” are categories in which I’ve seen less than three of the nominated movies). Also, if any movie that I did not watch wins their respective category, that movie will be added to my seemingly never-ending queue of reviews.

Honestly? I just look at the trophy and see a golden novelty dildo.

Best Visual Effects:

1. Gravity
2. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
3. Star Trek Into Darkness

This one is pretty much a no-brainer. While Benedict Cumber-Dragon was amazing and J.J. Abrams lens-flared Star Trek into beautiful oblivion (I’m hoping that nonsense I just pulled out of my ass makes sense to somebody), Gravity had some of, if not the most  the most, beautiful visuals I’ve ever seen in my seventeen years of watching movies.

Best Film Editing:

1. Gravity
2. 12 Years a Slave
3. American Hustle

I’m still not entirely sure how one critiques editing, so admittedly, this category is kind of a crapshoot for me.

Best Costume Design* 

1. 12 Years a Slave
2. American Hustle

American Hustle could beat out 12 Years, because it did have a pretty fantastic costume design team, or whatever (And Amy Adams’ necklines sure help), but I think that the latter’s  costumes were just a little bit better.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling*

1. Dallas Buyers Club

I’m shocked that American Hustle wasn’t nominated for this category, but honestly Dallas Buyers Club should win this award, based solely on the work they did with Jared Leto.

Best Cinematography*

1. Gravity
2. Nebraska

I’m kinda surprised that Nebraska was nominated for this category, because I really didn’t like the choice of black-and-white colouring, but whatevs. Gravity should and will win, anyways.

Best Production Design

1. 12 Years a Slave
2. Gravity
3. American Hustle

Assuming that “Production Design” means “film sets and such”, I’d give it to 12 Years, mainly for the stunning contrast between the natural beauty of Louisiana and the brutality of the subject matter.

Best Sound Mixing/Editing

1. Gravity
2. Captain Phillips
3. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug 

Yes, I know I mixed the categories of Best Sound Mixing and Best Sound Editing, but a) It’s pretty much the same movies, and b) I don’t know what the fuck the difference between sound editing and sound mixing is supposed to be.

That said, Gravity‘s soundtrack was downright gorgeous.

Best Original Song (I Haven’t seen most of these movies, but the songs are on YouTube, so all’s good.)

1. “Let it Go” from Frozen
2. “Ordinary Love” from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
3. “The Moon Song” from Her 

Let’s face it, Disney songs are pretty much the bomb. Keep in mind that this is coming from somebody who thinks that any song off London Calling is the pinnacle of Western Civilization.

Best Original Score

1. Gravity
2. Her
3. Philomena

Like I said, Gravity‘s score is fantastic. I liked Hers’ soundtrack too, but Philomena‘s just seemed nondescript to me.

Best Animated Short Film, Best Live Action Short Film, Best Documentary-Short Subject, Best Documentary-Feature, Best Documentary Film, Best Foreign Language Film, Best Animated Feature Film

I  haven’t seem any of the movies nominated for these, because a) Honestly, these are the least interesting categories to me and b) While I actually love animated movies, there’s no way I’m going to a theater filled with screaming eight-year olds to watch Frozen.

Best Writing-Adapted Screenplay

1. 12 Years A Slave
2. The Wolf of Wall Street
3. Captain Phillips 

I didn’t find any of these scripts to be legendary, per se, but they were still pretty damn great. It could really go any way.

Best Writing-Original Screenplay

1. American Hustle
2. Dallas Buyers Club
3. Her

I wonder if I could somehow develop David O. Russell’s amazing dialogue-writing ability without also developing his crippling douchiness…

Best Supporting Actress

1. Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
2. Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
3. June Squibb, Nebraska

Holy shit, I son’t think you could have picked three cuter nominees for this category.

Pictured: The Axis of Adorable.

Jennifer Lawrence is my favourite actress, and June Squibb was awesome too, but there’s just no way they match up to Mexican-born Kenyan Actress Lupita Nyongo’s film debut.

Best Supporting Actor

1. Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
2. Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave
3. Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Fassbender played Edwin “Evil Incarnate” Epps to perfection, and Somali actor Barkhad Abdi was awesoome in his debut, but they just had bad luck this time, going up against Jared Leto as the tragic Rayon.

Best Actress

1. Sandra Bullock, Gravity
2. Amy Adams, American Hustle
3. Judi Dench, Philomena

I think that Cate Blanchett is gonna win, considering the love she got at the Golden Globes, but I loved Sandra Bullock.

Best Actor

1. Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
2. Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave
3. Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

Man, does Leo ever have bad luck getting easy opponents on Oscar ballots, huh?

I had to pretty much flip a coin to decide who I thought was better between McConaughey and Ejiofor. All I can say is that I hope I don’t have to type either of their names again until next Oscar season, at least.

Best Director

1. Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
2. Steve McQueen, 12 Years a Slave
3. Martin Scorsese, The Wolf of Wall Street

I’m not that big of a director guy, but you don’t have to be one to know that Cuaron did a fantastic job with Gravity.

Best Picture

1. 12 Years a Slave
2. Dallas Buyers Club
3. Gravity

Just read my review of 12 Years a Slave, it’ll tell you all you need to know.

Musical Chairs Coleman – Plastic Girl

I did the camerawork in this video. You’re welcome.

The Written Confession of a My Chemical Romance Fan, and why People Hated Them

Hello internet. It’s me, Kenny Rollins. You may remember me as the guy who rambles about superheroes, baseball and douchebags. That is, if you’re one of the ten people who MIGHT read each one of my posts. Otherwise, you likely stumbled here by accident and don’t know shit about me.

For the record, I look like this.

Anyways, one thing that you may/should know about me is that I’m a huge music fan. I’ll listen to anything as long as it’s relatively dubstep- and auto-tune– free. However, my preferred genre is punk rock. If ever I get a Wikipedia page (Unlikely) for being the front-man  for a successful band (EXTREMELY unlikely), my listed influences will be a veritable compendium of classic 70’s punk, 80’s hardcore, 90’s pop-punk and skate punk, and present day melodic hardcore.

Also, Eminem, because why the hell not?

However, since my band will likely be known as an unflinching melodic hardcore quartet that remains hard-rocking while retaining pop sensibilities, there would be one band that may come as a surprise to some. This band is My Chemical Romance, and yes, I am a fan.

No, really.

Now, understand that when I write the word “confession”, I mean just that. “Something that is confessed.”

I’m not ashamed of being an MCR fan. Rather, I’m apprehensive of why the majority of people don’t care for them. Before beginning my essay though, I’d just like to defend my love for the (now defunct) band.

Now, let me be the first to admit that some of MCR’s music was total shit. Specifically, their debut album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Gave Me Your Love. For the life of me, I cannot understand why people gave this album positive reviews, but skip ahead a couple albums. Have you listened to The Black Parade? It’s pretty fucking good. Sure, it’s overblown and pretentious, but I’m willing to look past that  if it includes songs like “Welcome to the Black Parade” and “Famous Last Words.” Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys was almost as overblown and not as good, but c’mon. Listen to “Na Na Na.” That song is catchy as fuck. You can’t not like that song, but more on that later..

Also, the video included this, whatever it may be.

Anyways, I’ve narrowed the various reasons people hated MCR down to three. First off, the low quality of some of their music. Secondly, The rabid fangirls associated with pretty much any fanbase.  Finally, The ever-damning “emo” label, which has plagued the band since their inception.

To begin, I’m gonna get one of the more obvious ones out of the way: Some of MCR’s music really sucks. Shocking, right? The band that co-headlined the 2005 Warped Tour with Fall Out Boy put out some bad music.

I find it hard to believe that anyone imagined Patrick Stump with sideburns and thought it was a good idea.

Take their first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. With the exception of the initial single, “Vampires Will Never Hurt You“, and the initial instrumental guitar piece, there is nothing notable about this album. The rest of the songs range from extremely forgettable (“This is the Best Day Ever” and “Skylines and Turnstiles”) to pretty bloody awful (See: “Drowning Lessons” and “Our Lady Of Sorrows.”). Oh, the critic were fairly positive, calling it “unique” and “convincing“. Convincing, I get. Lead vocalist (And cartoonist) Gerard Way pours his  heart and soul out through mostly intense screaming about vampires, drugs and suicide.

Insert Twilight joke here.

But “unique”? Um, maybe. I couldn’t tell because the music really shortchanged me in the “gripping” department. I’m not one to dismiss music as being a mass of mindless screaming…

Usually.

… But that is really all I got from a good part of the album.

Now, the second album, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, was an improvement, but the lyrics somewhat deteriorated into, well, average territory. They plummeted into straight up atrocious territory on the awfully titled Top 100 single, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)”. Really. I can’t stress how awful that title is.

The final two studio albums (The Black Parade and Danger Days: The True Lives Of the Fabulous Killjoys) and the Conventional Weapons compilation were all large improvements, but they failed to erase the following two problems, one pf them being…

Hint: They drew this.

…Fangirls! (And fanboys, I don’t discriminate)

Now, I’m sure everybody reading this  knows of the idiocy of Justin Bieber’s tween fanbase/private, devoted zealot militia, the Beliebers, whose crimes range from being run-of-the-mill dumb preteen girls to insulting people that would rather not get run over by some flash-in-the-pan tween-pop bitch or sending death threats to the girl unfortunate enough to date their idol instead of them. Sure, considering he’s over eighteen, that’s pedophilia, but goddammit, it’s meant to be!

Yep, nothing that would land him on an FBI watchlist here…

But sometimes, we focus so much on the Beliebers of the world (And the Little Monsters…And Juggalos…) that we forget that decent rock groups have insane fan bases as well. The first that come to mind are the Beatlemaniacs , one of which showed their devotion and love for the band by murdering John Lennon. And you’re dreaming if you think MCR was free of near-insane fans. They’re not so much like Mark David Chapman though. More like somewhat annoying religous fanatics who may be obnoxiously loud, but are easily drowned out.

Apparently, they’ve never heard the Ramones.

“MCR saved my life” is a recurring statement on MCR’s comment boards. On one hand, it’s nice that young fans have found a band to call their own . On the other, I humbly call bullshit.

Shh…. Don’t cry…

To those that insist that they would have slit their wrists and passed away if MCR hadn’t come along: Have you heard their fucking lyrics?!!!

“The amount of pills I’m taking counteracts the booze I’m drinking.”

“I think I’d love to die alone.”

“I’ll end my days with you in a hail of bullets.”

Also, the entire Black Parade album, which is literally about death by cancer. How exactly is that a life-saving aid and not the guy, looking up at the guy about to jump of a building, yelling “Do it! Do it! Do it!”

Of course, I am in no way endorsing the Daily Mail’s opinion of My Chemical Romance, which is that they inspire an emo suicide cult.

“Oh sorry, you’re not a cult, you’re an….army? Does that make it better or worse?”

The word “emo” was in the early 21st century what the word “hipster” is today. A broad, catch-all term for a subculture widely despised by the mainstream.

Mostly for good reasons.

The band themselves have rejected the genre, with Gerard Way having this to say about it:

“Basically, it’s never been accurate to describe us. Emo bands were being booked while we were touring with Christian metal bands because no one would book us on tours. I think emo is fucking garbage, it’s bullshit. I think there’s bands that unfortunately we get lumped in with that are considered emo and by default that starts to make us emo.”

Quite true Gerard, but, again, when you co-headline with Fall Out Boy in the Warped Tour, you can’t be exactly surprised when they start lumping you in with that crowd.

So, to conclude, the main reasons that the only tears that were shed over MCR’s demise were eyeliner stained “MCRmy” tears were some of the lackluster quality of their early music, some annoying fans and the “emo” label.

However, before any angry MCRmy members (What a stupid fucking name) comment angrily, I want to stress that I love this band, and Black Parade ranks among my favourite albums. And I will defend myself against anyone that says I’m not a “real punk” for liking them. So I call for peace.

So can’t we all just pick something to agree on?

Like how much Falling in Reverse sucks ass?

Musician Biography: 30 Seconds to Mars

There are a few things that are certain in this long, painful life that we lead. Specifically, death, the failure of the Chicago Cubs, shitheads on YouTube (Comment sections or otherwise) and celebrities who enter musical careers only because they once played a musician in a movie.

Ahem.

But it also seems that there’s at least a few exceptions to the aforementioned afflictions. Some people seem to cheat death against all odds including, but not excluding, Christopher Lee (Awesomely) and Fred Phelps (Unfortunately). People get out of paying their taxes all the time. Of course, by people, I mean the good people at heartless companies like General Electric. If you look past the commentators, YouTube has some good stuff on it (SourceFed, Vsauce etc.). The Cubs had that one championship more than one hundred years ago.

This seems as good a time as any to declare Fred Phelps to be an asshole again.

The exception for the last category (That is the actors turned celebrities) is the subject of today’s “Musician Biography”. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for:

30 SECONDS TO MARS

Hometown: Los Angeles, California

Active From: 1998-Present

Genres: Alternative Rock, Neo-Prog, Space Rock, Experimental Rock, Hard Rock, SynthRock, Post-Hardcore (Early)

Legacy: The flourishing of Jared Leto’s musical career and the continuing public indifference to his film career. Also, making teenage girls buy into the misguided belief that the success of this band means prog’s cool again.

Teenage girls are into musicians for the quality of their music, right?

As you may or may not no, Jared Leto is an actor from Louisiana who has appeared in several moderately well-known movies, including Requiem for a Dream (In which he plays a heroin addict and dealer), Fight Club (In which he gets the shit beaten out of him by Edward Norton), American Psycho ( In which he is ax-murdered by Christian Bale) and Alexander (In which he plays Colin Farrell’s gay lover). He started 30 Seconds to Mars as a small family project with his brother, Shannon Leto. In 2001, the brothers recruited Matt Wachter to play bass and keyboards, and Solon Bixler on guitar. Bixler eventually left and was replaced by Croatian-American guitarist Tomo Milicevic.

Because the Leto family is, y’know, rich, they were able to get in the studio and start recording an album in 2001. In July, the band released their first single, “Capricorn (A Brand New Name)”. On August 27, 2002, they released their first, self-titled album, in which Jared played guitar, vocals, bass guitar and synthesizer. The album (Influenced in part by the science fiction novel, Dune) was received warmly by critics, who praised the lyrics, themes and musicianship. Personally, I though the album to be pretty fucking boring. On the plus side, Leto is a great songwriter and musician, but on the other hand, perhaps aside from “Capricorn”, the album is pretty nondescript and doesn’t grip me at all, but eh, what do I know?

Apparently, not too much, as the album zoomed to the top of Billboard’s Heatseekers Chart and hit 107 on the Billboard 200. “Capricorn” ended up peaking at No. 31 on the American Rock Charts while a post-relese single, “Edge of the Earth” hit No. 5 on the UK.

After touring for the album concluded, the band recorded and released another single, “Attack”, which critics and fans (And me!) adored, mainly because it showcased Leto’s amazing vocal talent. It isn’t often that an actor starts a musical career and actually has a passable voice, much less a good one.

Right, Bruce?

The following album, A Beautiful Lie, which was recorded over four years on Leto’s various film sets, was released in August of 2005 and was praised by critics (And me!) except for AllMusic, which surprises me, and Rolling Stone, because well, duh.

When you have to present terrorists in an attractive fashion on your albums to get some attention, then your musical opinion can be taken with a grain of salt, I think.

The album, which abandoned the prog metal of their first album for emotionally charged alternative rock, reached No. 22 on the Modern Rock Charts (And No. 1 in Canada!) and was eventually certified platinum, while a post-album single, “From Yesterday”, hit No. 1 on the Modern Rock Tracks (Though, to tell you the truth, I kind of hated it).

Having achieved mainstream success, the band embarked on the “Welcome to the Universe” tour, which lasted two years and solidified their rock star statuses. During the worldwide tour, they championed environmentalism (Of course they did) , shot the first ever American rock music video in the People’s Republic of China and had Matt Wachter leave the group to spend more time with his family and, eventually join Angels & Airwaves. He was replaced by Tim Kelleher, who is still with the band, but only as a touring member.

But wait a minute. What’s missing from the picture here? Hmmm…. Oh, that’s right, the obligatory dispute with an asshole record label? How could I be so foolish?

In August 2008, Virgin Records sued the band for a whopping $30 million lawsuit, claiming that the band failed to deliver the five albums that they were obligated to deliver. However, under California law, nobody can be bound to a contract for over seven years. Virgin, realizing that they hadn’t done their research in their quest to wring every last drop of money out of their bands, dropped the lawsuit and the band re-signed with them, for some inexplicable reason.

Although Jared Leto did make a documentary about the lawsuit, so maybe it was all for the purpose of an elaborate “fuck you.”

Fun fact: at the preview of the above-mentioned documentary, someone may have tried to kill Jared Leto. Could the labels have made their way from bullying and intimidation to murder? If so, then I have some potential targets that I think everyone can agree on.

Yes you, bitch.

On December 8, 2009, 30 Seconds to Mars released their third studio album, This is War. This would prove to be their most successful album yet, hitting No. 18 on the Billboard 200 charts, number 4 on the Rock charts and number 2 on the Alternative charts. In addition to this, three of the singles, “Kings and Queens”, “This Is War” and “Closer to the Edge”  got in the Top 10 pf the Billboard Alternative Charts, with the first two tracks hitting 1st place.

The album received  positive reviews as well. It is my personal favourite album on the 30STM catalogue, if only for the fact that “This is War” is on this album. Anyways, the resulting supporting tour won the Guinness World Record for “Longest Concert Tour by a Rock Band”, playing a total of 309 concert shows in just over two years.

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Um, pretty much the same place as always. Their latest album, Love Lust, Faith and Dreams, showcases the bands full musical talent/pretentiousness, with elements of symphonic rock edging out a large amount of the hard rock edge. Still, it was both critically and commercially successful, hitting number 6 on the Billboard 200. Personally, I’d rate it as better than the self-titled album by far, but not as good as A Beautiful Lie. It’s just too damn pretentious for me to take completely seriously. Also, it has one of the ugliest album covers known to man.

As a rule, album covers should note make you think of Connect Four.