Behind the Scenes of Kenny Rollins’ Creative Process

Besides this, I mean.

7:30 AM: Wakes up.

7:31 AM: Wow, I haven’t written an original post in like, a week! I should probably get right on that! 

7:32-11:00: Sleeps.

11:00: Well, the extra three and a half hours I spent sleeping were sure to have sparked some sort of creative idea in my brain! I basically just have to put pen to paper, and I’m bound to come up with something solid!

11:00-11:15: Doodles a stick figure picture of Iron Man fighting RoboCop.

11:15: Alright, Rollins, enough screwing around! It’s time to put your gigantic intellect to work! Start writing…NOW!!!

11:15-12:00: Stares blankly at paper.

12:00: Okay, you’re obviously working too hard. Take fifteen minutes. Maybe get something to eat. Then, you’ll be a goddamn creative genius. 

12:00- 2:00: Wanders down to the kitchen, eats everything in the general vicinity, decides to binge-watch Red vs. Blue.

2:00: No, no, you goddamn idiot! You have a responsibility to uphold to the three people who follow you semi-regularly! Look, here’s a half-finished draft that you shelved months ago! Maybe you can work something out of –

2:00-5:00: Watches back episodes of Game Grumps.

5: 00: God, I hate you. 

5:00-7:30: Watches Batman Begins for no particular reason.

7:30: Okay, look, you’ve wasted twelve hours on frivolous bullshit, but we can still get a rough draft done if you put your mind to it. So, what’s it gonna be? Are you gonna review Batman Begins? Talk about that potential Legend of Zelda TV show? Maybe do another DeathMa-

7:30-12:30: Watches The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises for no particular reason.

12:30: Fuck it. Quote of the Day it is. 

The (Belated) Obligatory New Year Post

Happy 2014, everybody! I hope all your hangovers have cleared up by now!

2013 was a, well, let’s say an interesting year. From Syria to Rob Ford to Miley Cyrus to the NSA, it seemed like there was never a dull moment.

There were, however, several horrifying and confusing ones.

How did I spend my New Years’ Eve, you ask? Did I spend New Year’s Eve in Cuba, welcoming 2014 with a back massage on some idyllic paradise of a resort? Or did I go to some gathering with my family? Or, considering that I’m a wild and crazy seventeen year old kid, did I go to some house party, chug copious amounts of alcohol, pot and/or ecstasy before puking up my guts and passing out shortly after grinding a lamppost in front of all my friends? No. None of these. Especially not the last one.

“Man, you’re justa….just-…just a fuckin’ hater, man…’

I spent New Years Eve finishing off yesterday’s post  and watching Animaniacs reruns. I maintain that there is no better way to spend New Years Eve.

On an unrelated note, Rule 34 is a bitch when you’re just trying to find a goddamn Animaniacs logo. It’s a sick, sick world.

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, because I’ve always seen them as setting yourself up for failure. Especially for a slacker who’s all set to congratulate himself for waking up in the morning without suffocating himself on his pillow.

Pillows: Soft and downy, yet, brutal and efficient.

Nonetheless, I did make myself a short list of resolutions to try to commit to in 2014. They are as follows:

  1. Be less socially awkward. It’s kind of general and boring, I know, but there are only so much times one can tolerate being wished a Happy New Year and impulsively responding with “Thanks! I hope you don’t get cancer and die this year!”
  2. Learn Portuguese and German. I already speak English (Duh), Spanish (Thanks to my Salvadoran-Canadian upbringing) and French (Thanks to the Edmonton Public School’s French Immersion program). However, I’ve always wanted to learn more languages, if for no other reason than to be able to communicate with locals during my future international book tours. Honestly though, I really want to actually learn more languages. Portuguese, because it’s a good starting point, being so similar to Spanish, and German, because I heard before I started to learn it that it’s extremely similar to English. Whoever told me that is a dirty liar.
  3. Maintain an “A” average (80%). It’s currently hovering around the high seventies.
  4. Get through the giant-ass pile of books on my desk that has been there since last Christmas. The sad thing is, most of them are Spider-Man comics.
  5. Do at least one hundred blog posts this year. Recently, I’ve been pretty damn inconsistent when it comes to blogging, which is a shame, because I really love doing it and want to write as a career eventually. So this year, I want to do at least one hundred posts (This would be my second one), and hopefully, hone my abilities so I don’t have to rely on a snarky pop culture-related caption to get a cheap laugh.

Bieber. Douchebag. Stupid. Funny. You laugh now.

For now, though, I wish everyone a Happy 2014.

I hope none of you get cancer and die this year.