Game of Thrones- Season 5, Episode 3: Sons of the Harpy (Review/Recap)

Rumours of her demise have been greatly exaggerated, unfortunately.

It’s episodes like this last one that really bring out both the vengeful, raging sociopath and blubbering neurotic in me.

SPOILER ALERT. OBVIOUSLY. 

King’s Landing 

“You will never see a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

The Queen’s amiable, if somewhat bumbling, father, Mace Tyrell, tells the other members of the Legion of Doom Small Council that the almighty Bank of Braavos is calling in ten percent of the debt owed to them by the Seven Kingdoms. Cersei sends Tyrell, the Master of Coin to Braavos in order to negotiate a new deal with the Braavosi, along with Kingsguard Ser Meryn Trant, who I admit to not remembering from previous seasons, but who, for the sake of convenience, I will just go ahead and assume to be a morally reprehensible dumpster fire of a human being. Don’t tell me that’s not a safe assumption. you’re watching the same show that I am.

After the meeting, Cersei meets with the High Sparrow, who I had mistakenly assumed to be a semi-cool guy before this episode. I should really learn to follow my own goddamn rules.

Cersei authorizes the use of a violent religious fundamentalist militia known as the Faith Militant, which immediately gets to work attacking anybody who they deem to be sinners, or disrespecting the gods. And people ask me why I’m not religious.

One of the many “sinners” incarcerated by The Faith Militant just so happens to be Loras Tyrell, Cersei’s fiancee and the Queen’s brother, and also noted gay dude. Surprisingly enough, the super-religious Faith Militant doesn’t take very kindly to gay people. Who’da thunk it?

Queen Margaery doesn’t like this and tries to get Tommen to do something about it, but he doesn’t allow the Kingsguard to attack the Faith Militant and the countless poor people that the Sparrows are sheltering, and ends up leaving empty-handed. To be fair, I probably would’ve done the same thing. At least he proved himself better than…. That Other Guy when he didn’t respond to the rabble yelling abuse at him.

Just thinking about the Other Guy makes me want to sterilize all blonde people. You know, just to make sure.

Frustrated with Tommen’s inability to do as she says, Margaery decides to call upon her grandmother to help. I’m repeating myself here, but…. There’s no possible way this ends well, is there?

The Wall

Jon Snow fights off the Red Woman’s attempt to seduce him in the name of the Lord of Light, or some shit. This would be a more impressive feat if I wasn’t mentally equating her with that old woman from The Shining, at this point.

Also, A+ parenting from Stannis. No sarcasm intended, that was actually pretty cool of him.

Winterfell

Scheming n’ shit. Also, we get some interesting backstory on the war that took place prior to the events of Season 1. And Littlefinger frenching Sansa. Yeecchh.

The sad thing? Out of all of Sansa’s suitors (Betrothed or otherwise), this guy is the least off-putting.

Dorne

Jaime and Bronn arrive in Dorne, and waste no time in awesomely murdering a bunch of Dornish soldiers. It’s not so much that I want to see Dornish people dead as it is that I want to see Myrcella saved from, uh, this lady who wants to see her mutilated in order to start a war with the Lannisters. Why are the pretty women on this show all either dead, bereft with grief, insane or some combination of the three?

Admittedly, if I had experienced what she had experienced…

For help in her anti-Lannister crusade, she enlists the help of Oberyn’s daughters, the Sand Snakes (Only one of whom is her daughter, because Dorne is a country of swingers), all of whom look like badasses. Oh, and they know Jaime and Bronn are in Dorne to rescue Myrcella. Fucking brilliant.

Across the Narrow Sea

Ha-ha, Jorah Mormont is a dumbass and Tyrion is smarter than him.

Meereen

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SONS OF HARPIES SHITHEEL MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I DIDN’T KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKED THOSE TWO UNTIL YOU POSSIBLY KILLED THEM!!!

Overall: This is the episode where everything starts really going downhill, isn’t it?

Rating: 8/10

Again, why must they be crazy?

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay- Part 1 (Movie Review)

“You say you want a revolutiooon, wehell, ya know…”

So, after my announcement a few days ago of the initiation of my new Deathmatch series, in which fictional characters get ripped from their comfort zones and are forced by me to engage in an ultraviolent fight to the death, it seems only fitting that this would shortly precede my review of the third movie in a franchise in which characters get ripped from their comfort zones and forced by their despotic puppet masters to engage in an ultraviolent fight to the death.

Except, y’know, they’re children, so I have that over Suzanne Collins, morally. For now, at least.

 The Hunger Games: Mockingjay- Part 1

Directed by: Francis Lawrence

Produced by: Nina Jacobson, Jon Kilik

Written by: Danny Strong, Peter Craig

Based on: Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Genres: Science-fiction, war drama,

Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jeffrey Wright, Stanley Tucci, Donald Sutherland, Natalie Dormer, Sam Claflin, Willow Shields, Mahershala Ali

Music by: James Newton Howard

Plot: After the events of Catching Fire, Hunger Games veteran Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) is whisked away to District 13, which, contrary to popular knowledge, was not wiped out by the tyrannical regime in the Capitol, and now houses the rebel movement fighting against President Snow (Donald Sutherland) and the jackbooted thugs named”Peacekeepers”.  Katniss, along with fellow victor Finnick Odair, her childhood friend, Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth), her trainer, Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson) her family and former Gamesmaster Plutarch Heavensbee (Philip Seymour Hoffman) may have been spirited away to the rebellion, but her on-again, off-again sort-of boyfriend Peeta Mellark has been captured by the Capitol, and is being used, seemingly willingly in propaganda videos against the rebellion. With the knowledge that Peeta is in danger, Katniss is torn between her desire to save him, and the duty imposed upon her by the Rebellion of being the Mockingjay, a symbol of hope for the oppressed people of Panem.

So, in the pursuit of making all the money, Lionsgate decided to not only adapt the Hunger Games trilogy to film, but also to divide the final installment, Mockingjay, into two parts, following the trend set by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and The Hobbit. While it’s obviously a sound financial plan, the prior two movies, while none of them bad, per se, did suffer from the undesirable problem of trying to spread too little an amount of subject matter into two hours, or, in the case of The Hobbit, three years. To Mockingjay‘s credit, I didn’t feel like too little material was spread over too much time…Much. There is a scene in the middle of the movie where Gale and Katniss go hunting that looks like it’s building up to something, but doesn’t really go anywhere. Problem is, the movie’s actually too damn short. It’s around twenty minutes shorter than Catching Fire, and cuts off very abruptly, leaving the audience kinda surprised when “Yellow Flicker Beat” starts playing over the end credits. It kind of makes me wonder why they didn’t do something radical like just make one longer third movie. I mean, the people going into it should be expecting a truly epic conclusion to the series, so would it really be that much of a sin to extend it a little?

Whatever. Silly me for wanting trilogies to be actual trilogies, I guess.

By the way, in case you haven’t paid attention during the trailers, don’t expect too much similarities between the newest movie and the previous two in terms of action. While the other two movies were at least moderately action-packed, taking place in an arena full of teenagers murdering each other. Needless to say, there was quite a bit of exciting, brutal violence.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Make your snarky Battle Royale references now, hipsters.

This movie, however, relies much more on subdued political drama than the first two. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the political elements were non-existent, but they definitely put more of an emphasis on the politics of revolution-mongering than, you know, kids breaking each other’s necks.  I thought it was a welcome change, as it moved the plot along and was intense in it’s own way. The lack of action seems to be a major criticism of the movie, but if you don’t mind watching a lot of “moves and countermoves” then I don’t see why you wouldn’t let at least that aspect of the movie suck you into the story. Those of you not conditioned thanks to, say, Game of Thrones, might be a little less receptive, but know that you’re gonna sound really weird when you say that you favoured the jarring shaky-cam in the first Hunger Games over watching Jennifer Lawrence spar verbally with Donald Sutherland and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Of course, to really enjoy the drama, the actors have to show up, and fear not,  because, as was the case in the first two movies, the performances are great in Mockingjay. I’ll get to Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in a bit, but the other actors are definitely worth a mention. Philip Seymour Hoffman is, for the second-last time unfortunately, great, and injects some much needed humour into this very dark, grim movie. Yeah, as progressively dark as the movies in this series have gotten (Because, again, child murder) this movie actually might be the funniest of the three. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s not a funny movie as a whole. Not even close. But having Hoffman and Lawrence, as well as Woody Harrelson, who is always good for a few laughs as Haymitch,  spout a couple of funny lines helped bring somewhat of a sense of levity to a series in which his happens:

 

I like how she’s reacting to getting impaled about as strongly as I reacted to a 60 on my minor Physics quiz last week.

Oh, uh, belated spoiler alert, for all three of you who haven’t seen the first Hunger Games yet.

Anyway, Elizabeth Banks is once again fantastic as Effie, newcomers Julianne Moore and Natalie Dormer are both good as the rebel President Coin and propaganda filmmaker Cressida, and the only weak link in the recurring cast until now has, mercifully been eliminated. Yeah, I really hated Willow Shields as Katniss’s younger sister, Prim. I still cringe every time she delivers her lines. This time though, she’s pretty great by child actor standards. She also has some solid chemistry with Jennifer Lawrence.

SEEEEGWAAAAYYYY!!!!

Which brings me to Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen. Now, I don’t think anybody buys that she’s a teenager anymore, and I doubt that anyone even bought it when the casting was announced before the first movie. That said, I wouldn’t want anyone else playing Katniss. She’s strong, yet frightened and insecure, she’s occasionally kinda funny, and she gets some great chemistry out of her relationships with Gale and Peeta (Two more great performances, by the way). I guess some people would have a point in saying that it’s kind of annoying that it looks like she wants to save Peeta more than reverse the fortunes of Panem through being the Mockingjay. Yeah, there are some moments  that you kinda wanna shake her,  but when are humans ever that simple in real life?

Weak, I know, but it’s the best devil’s advocate response I could come up with.

Overall: It’s definitely a different direction for the series to go in, and I’d be lying if I said I was a fan of the halving of the last book, but Mockingjay is still a great installment into the series, getting by mainly on the strength of its performances, and making the audience forget about the notable lack of action.

Rating: 8.5/10

For fuck’s sake, it shares similarities with Battle Royale, we get it!!!  Can you leave it be, goddammit?!?!