Top 10 Movie and TV Anti-Heroes Part 2: 7 and 6 (SPOILERS AHEAD)

(This is a continuation of this post.)

7. Tony Montana 

Appearances: Scarface

Created By: Oliver Stone

Portrayed By: Al Pacino

Real Name: Antonio Montana

Occupation: Former assassin, former sandwich maker, drug kingpin

No-Kill Policy?: Nope. Just don’t ask him to kill kids.

A cautionary tale for anybody planning to start a drug empire, Cuban ex-pat Tony Montana was one of 125 000 Cuban refugees who arrived in Miami during the infamous Mariel Boatlift (During which not only refugees who wanted to leave Cuba, but also hardened criminals were allowed to leave Cuba for Miami). He is sent to a refugee camp, but is released into Miami, Green Card in hand, after assassinating a former Cuban government official  for Miami drug lord Frank Lopez. The ambitious and ruthless Montana then begins a crime spree that will take him to the top of the Miami food chain (Of cocaine!)

At the bottom of the food chain? The cock-a-roaches, of course.

Al Pacino’s wonderful performance just elevated the audience’s enjoyment of the coke-addicted kingpin.With Pacino’s almost cartoonish Cuban accent, everything is just so damn QUOTABLE. Seriously, watch any fifteen minutes of Scarface and you’ll come away with whole paragraphs of the most wonderful dialogue. The movie may be almost three hours long, but just watching Tony Montana go about his antics is totally worth it, so much that even though he is a terrible human being, you end up rooting for him right until he ends up floating face-down in front of his “The World of Yours” statue.

6. Tyler Durden

Appearance: Fight Club 

Created By: Chuck Palahniuk

Portrayed By: Brad Pitt

Real Name: N/A

Occupation: Waiter, Soap maker, camera-man, revolutionary

 Fight Club has been possibly the biggest mindfuck of a movie that I have ever seen. Off the top of my head,  the only other movies that even come close to equaling the shock I felt while watching were The Sixth Sense and maybe Shutter Island, although the latter twist ending felt like more of a cop out, but I digress.

In Fight Club, a depressed, unmotivated and unnamed narrator (Played by Edward Norton) becomes incredibly bored with his  yuppie, white-collar lifestyle. However, that all  changes when he meets Tyler Durden, an incredibly charismatic, yet eccentric gutter punk who works several jobs, harming customers and sabotaging the various industries he works in. The two move in together and start a “Fight Club”, where ordinary, dissatisfied men got together to beat the shit out of each other, and occasionally commit sabotage against corporations and consumer society in general.

And sell… let’s call it “All-Organic” soap.

Tyler Durden may be insane, but he speaks a lot of truth. The extremely drastic lengths that he goes to to ensure that society are really not so much to hurt people, but to make people see how weak they have become thanks to the rampant commercialism that we see every day, and the consumer society that we have willfully lulled ourselves into becoming. He’s still crazy, obviously, but the best antagonists are the ones that we sort of agree with, and Tyler is no exception.

 

 I should have more posts up soon, since I’m on Christmas Break right now and want to get back into blogging regularly. It’s amazing how much time a part-time job takes up.

The Scale of Douchiness-Inaugural Edition

So, on Monday, I decided to jump on the Game of Thrones  bandwagon. Like many others, I’m sure, it has come to my attention, three episodes in,  that many of the characters on this show are insufferable douchebags.

And there simply aren’t enough midgets in this show to keep them in check.

So, it got me thinking, what if I took a little break from my ongoing “Baseball people who suck” series did a blog post where I compared the characters’ varying degrees of douchyness and came out with the show’s overall “Douchyness Standing”. I then decided against it, considering that it is four in the fucking morning, and I don’t want to commit too much time to this, as I have several columns that I may be way behind schedule on completing, like the aforementioned baseball series, a mid-season MLB prediction, another musician biography, and a couple movie reviews. Oh, the tense, never-relaxing life of a sixteen year old on vacation.

“Why have I been forsaken with this endless, endless free time??!!”

So, I decided to add another feature to my ever-growing cornucopia of knowledge. I call it “The Scale of Douchiness”. In it, I take a character, be it real or fictional, and evaluate their “Douchiness Quotient” (Patent Pending) on a scale of 1 to 8. The criteria is as follows:

– Severity of douche-crime(s). (Douche-Crime is defined as pretty much any action deemed unacceptable by reasonable people). It can range from obvious but minor douche-crimes (Popping collars, spray tans, getting smashed) to blatant and major douche-crimes (Murdering villagers, enjoying the “music” of Avril Lavigne, walking your child on a leash).

– Frequency of douche-crimes. Is it a one-time thing (Drunk-driving) or is it a serial incident (BrokenCyde)?

Here. Now you can hate them with me.

-Circumstances of douche-crime. Did the situation call for a douche-crime (self-defense killing)? Was it done for survival reasons or to benefit his/her family (Say, poor guy selling pot to get his daughters a better shot at education)?

So, anyway, here’s a sample one:

SUBJECT: KENNY S. ROLLINS

This is who came up when I searched my actual name. For the record, I’m a sixteen year old boy. But whatever, we’ll roll with it.

Douche-Crime: Dropping acid at the mall and cross checking old ladies and toddlers into shop windows before running through a playground fountain and declaring that “he is the lizard queen.”

Picture this, except with a brown teenager running through, drop-kicking anything that moves and screaming mostly incorrect Jimi Hendrix lyrics.

Douche Points Awarded: 2/2

Severity Douche Points Awarded: 1.5/2. Would’ve been a one if not for all the children (And adults) who were in need of counselling afterwords.

Frequency: 1/2. He is unlikely to repeat the crime, considering that he now mainly speaks in tongues and lines from Soul Plane, for some reason.

Circumstances: 1.5/2. Would have been 2 had it not been for the fact that the entire purpose of being a teenager is to act like an idiot.

Right, Joffrey?

Overall Douche Rating: 6/8.

Pretty ingenious right? I sure think so.

Anyways, stay tuned for more posts. Also, no Game of Thrones spoilers or I swear to God, I will to unspeakable things to you.