Van Damme’s excited and you should be too!!!
Since the dawn of time, the creative genius of mankind has crafted some of the most memorable stories of all time, chock-full to the brim of memorable characters that have stood the test of time, even as their creators have long since vanished off the face of the planet. Who could possibly forget the classical deities and heroes of Ancient Greece, such as Zeus, Achilles and Hercules?
For better or for worse?
To use examples from the last two millenniums, who could ever forget the fascinating, multidimensional tragic heroes of William Shakespeare? Or, to get even more modern, how about the staying power that we’ve managed to get out of our stoic, square-jawed superheroes? Hell, we’ve managed to get a timeless character out of a talking tree voiced by Vin Diesel, for chrissakes.
Seen here: This generation’s Hamlet.
So, what is it that we do with these legendary characters from literature, movies, television and video games when we’re not reading about them or watching their exploits? Well, it depends. Some enjoy dissecting the character’s motivations, psychology and relationships. Others enjoy writing extremely disturbing fan-fiction. However, those of us with superior taste and highly developed brains know that there is only one possible use for these characters outside of their respective universes.
Fights to the death, of course!!!
Tell me I’m wrong!!!
Look, don’t act like you haven’t thought of this before. Even the stuffiest of the stuffy cultural elites have thought about injecting a little ultraviolence into their critiques. I’m sure some Shakespeare buff has witnessed some obnoxious college kid spout a bunch of Ayn and quote and thought “Pffft… Will could beat her any day.”
And I don’t mean “beat” as in “prove literary superiority”. I mean beat as in “kick the shit out of her in a barfight.”
So, my newest feature is the long-awaited “Deathmatch” series, in which I pit two or more fictional characters against each other in a battle to the death (Unless otherwise specified) to determine the victors of timeless theoretical battles like “Batman vs. Iron Man”, “Katniss Everdeen vs. Green Arrow” or “Disney Princess Battle Royale.”
Spoiler alert: Aurora is doomed. DOOOOOMED!!!!
However, before I go nuts with this, There have to be some rules and parameters set up. Every episode will be a two-parter, with the first part being an analysis of the fighters and their strengths and weaknesses, and the second part outlining the outcomes of the fight. The first fight in this award-winning series will be a 10-man, over-the-top fight to the death between the best villains from each film of the Tarantinoverse. Stay tuned, it should be out later this weekend or earlier in the weekday.
Watch it come out in the first week of 2016.
Please Kill the Messenger 