(This is a continuation of this article)
Today, the subject of this post and the last one, Alex Rodriguez, skipped his rehab game in Tampa, because, if anybody deserves a break after not playing for months on end, it’s Alex Rodriguez.
I would have had this post out sooner, but I was busy engaging in the time-consuming activity of trying to watch Game of Thrones without subscribing to HBO.
This is the result of boob-enthusiasts and Lord of the Rings enthusiasts learning that they have common ground in their desire for barely restrained medieval soft-core porn.
Anyways, here are the two more of the worst people ever to be involved with Major League Baseball.
5. John Rocker
Jesus Rollerblading Christ, look at his fucking neck!!!
Relief Pitcher
Teams: Atlanta Braves (1998-2001) Cleveland Indians (2001) Texas Rangers (2002) Tampa Bay Devil Rays (2003) Long Island Ducks (2005) (Funny how a racist, bigoted piece of shit like Rocker would play on the “Braves” and the “Indians”. Playing in Texas as well is just the icing on the cake.)
Career Highlights: Unless you count inspiring this guy a highlight, nothing.
Because we really want to give the position of most powerful man in the world to a bush-league baseball player.
The Douchebaggery:
Oh, man, what could I say about John Rocker that hasn’t already been said?
The closer from Georgia looked like the next hometown star for the Braves since Chipper Jones, and, looking solely at his numbers in three and a half years with the Braves, he looked like he would be pretty damn successful, with 83 saves and a sub- 3.00 ERA. After he was traded to the Indians though, he only got 5 saves and a 6.00 ERA with the Tribe, Rangers and D-Rays. He made a short-lived comebak to baseball in 2005, playing for the Indy league Long Island Ducks. This will prove to be quite ironic.
It was his actions off the field that landed him on this list though. Now, it’s one thing to be racist in the early part of the 20th century, when it was an accepted part of life that Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Asians, Aboriginals, Gays, Women and what-have-you were clearly inferior to pure-blooded whole some, pasty, Protestant American men. What was known as Nazism when the Germans did it was referred to in the States as “Manifest Destiny” or some such bullshit.
‘Murrica!!!
That doesn’t make it acceptable, not by a fucking longshot, but it was, unfortunately, a part of life.
But in this day and age, when he have come so far as a species that we have come up with wonders such as penicillin, iPods, and Jennifer Lawrence…
Seen Here: Proof that God has forgiven us for global warming.
.. It comes as a shock that anyone is still ignorant enough to use hateful language or discriminate against other people.
Paula Deen: She doesn’t just hate your health anymore.
The following are a bunch of quotes from this 1999 Sports Illustrated interview with Rocker.
- On ever playing for a New York team: “I would retire first. It’s the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the [Number] 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”
Well, he’s got me there. Living in a city that has some gay people and some people with oddly coloured hair isn’t nearly worth the World Series title.
- On New York City itself: “The biggest thing I don’t like about New York are the foreigners. I’m not a very big fan of foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?”
“Spirit Airlines, you dumb motherfucker.”
Rocker has a special place in his heart for New York Mets fans though.
- On Mets fans: “Nowhere else in the country do people spit at you, throw bottles at you, throw quarters at you, throw batteries at you and say, ‘Hey, I did your mother last night — she’s a whore.’ I talked about what degenerates they were, and they proved me right. Just by saying something, I could make them mad enough to go home and slap their moms.”
Well, gee, what could he have possibly done to instigate that?
Hilariously enough, he later went on to play for the independent Long Island Ducks in 2005. He was cut after posting a 6.50 ERA in 23 games.
While he was fined for his comments and ordered to undergo sensitivity training, he cut the training short and never paid the fine.
He also started a so-called “Speak English” campaign. I don’t know shit about it, but I think he can safely assume that it’s some bullshit.
You stay classy, John Rocker.
This year, in a last-ditch attempt at relevance, he came out as saying that the Holocaust could have been avoided had there been no gun control in Germany, to which the baseball world politely replied “Shut the fuck up.”
4. Marge Schott
Marge Schott, photographed here at a lynching.
Owner
Cincinnati Reds (1984-1999)
Career Highlights: 1985 World Series Championship
How can one not think of Marge Schott without “Yakety Sax” popping into one’s head? Or, y’know, some weird bastard offspring of “Yakety Sax” and the “Imperial March” from Star Wars.
The following is a list of Schott’s finest moments.
First, the bad, but still not atrocious:
- Schott let her terribly named St. Bernards, Schottzie and Schottzie 02, roam around Riverfront stadium, and let them take massive St. Bernard sized shits on the playing field. (The article that reported this demonstrates Schott’s senility well.)
Eh, fuck it, you’re not here for the bad stuff.
Presenting: The Truly disgusting stuff!
- November 13, 1992: Charles “Cal” Levy, a former marketing director for the Reds, stated in a deposition for Tim Sabo, a former employee who was suing the team, that he’d heard Schott refer to outfielders Eric Davis and Dave Parker as “million dollar niggers.” Improbably, Sabo lost his suit.
- Levy also alleged that Schott kept a swastika armband in her house and claims he overheard her say “sneaky goddamn Jews are all alike.” Schott issued a statement saying the claims of racism levied against her were overstated and that she did not mean to offend anyone, as it simply belonged to her husband, who got it after coming home from World War II and keeps it as a “remembrance of her husbands’s bravery.” There you have it folks: Nazi swastikas are okay to own and wear as long as they’re viewed as memorabilia and not the symbol of a political party that murdered millions and millions of people.
- She also claimed that Adolf Hitler was “O.K. at the beginning” as “he rebuilt all the roads.” Apparently, this was seen by her as justification for the Holocaust.
“Don’t stop now, guys. Just think of all the minorities we’ll be allowed to slaughter after this!”
- She also had no idea why the word “Jap” could be considered offensive.
Ichiro is not amused.
- She banned the Reds from wearing earrings because “only fruits wear earrings.”
“Say what, motherfucker?”
- During a game against the Montreal Expos on April 1, 1996 on Opening Day in Cincinnati, umpire John McSherry called for time and motioned towards the Reds’ dugout for medical attention. After taking a few steps, however, he collapsed. Efforts to resuscitate him failed and he was pronounced dead an hour later. This was Schott’s reaction to the game being postponed:
“Snow this morning and now this. I don’t believe it. I feel cheated. This isn’t supposed to happen to us, not in Cincinnati. This is our history, our tradition, our team. Nobody feels worse than me.”
- Yikes. How terrible of a person do you have to be to value a fucking baseball game over human life?
On April 20, 1999, Schott, facing a third suspension from MLB for all-around bitchiness, sold her controlling share of the Reds. She died on March 2, 2004. I can only assume her death was met with mass celebrations in the Reds’ clubhouse.
Tune in soon for the thrilling conclusion of the three part series!
Please Kill the Messenger 