I’m Still Alive

 It has been fourteen goddamn days since my last post. And that was just a Quote of the Day. You have to October 14th since my last post that I had to put actual thought into.

There are a few reasons for my negligence. Let’s list them all! Lists are fun!

  1. The Toronto Blue Jays made the playoffs for the first time in my lifetime. As my Twitter feed will attest, watching that on TV has taken up a good chunk of my time. They just got eliminated, so that’s that, I guess (I hope the KC Royals have their fucking knees broken).
  2. At the beginning of October, school turned the intensity from “6” to “Fuck you, shithead, kiss your free time goodbye”.
  3. When I did try to write, it didn’t come out great. I tried writing a Round-Up at the end of September. It came out badly, so I scrapped it. I spent eons workshopping a new DeathMatch and flip-flopping on my decisions. I also tried writing a review of Beasts of No Nation, but again, it didn’t come out great. That’ll be on a Round-up, I expect.
  4. I’m just plain lazy. The other stuff didn’t help, though.

Now that the worst seems to be over, I’m working on some new stuff that should put me back on top of things once again. These include:

  1. The first actual Jessica Jones trailer dropped, so my “Who the F*** is That?!?!” series will soon come out of its two-month long hiatus. As more trailers for Captain America: Civil War, Batman v Superman and Daredevil season 2 come out, there’ll be more of that too.
  2. A new comic-centric DeathMatch should be kicking off sooner rather than later, so look out for that.
  3. Now that Oscar season is just around the corner, I’m gonna start looking for more of “those” types of movies, to put it glibly. Hopefully, my wallet holds up, but we’ll see.
  4. I’ll have one giant Round-up for September and October, because I’m a lunatic.
  5. I have a few more awards I was nominated for, but they’re not really my priority right now. Thanks a lot to Bookidote for the nominations, though!
  6. A fiction thing that I’m working on that I think has the potential to turn out really excellent.

That’s all for today. I’m not promising anything, but there should be new content out by Monday. Should be.

G’night, all.

Behind the Scenes of Kenny Rollins’ Creative Process

Besides this, I mean.

7:30 AM: Wakes up.

7:31 AM: Wow, I haven’t written an original post in like, a week! I should probably get right on that! 

7:32-11:00: Sleeps.

11:00: Well, the extra three and a half hours I spent sleeping were sure to have sparked some sort of creative idea in my brain! I basically just have to put pen to paper, and I’m bound to come up with something solid!

11:00-11:15: Doodles a stick figure picture of Iron Man fighting RoboCop.

11:15: Alright, Rollins, enough screwing around! It’s time to put your gigantic intellect to work! Start writing…NOW!!!

11:15-12:00: Stares blankly at paper.

12:00: Okay, you’re obviously working too hard. Take fifteen minutes. Maybe get something to eat. Then, you’ll be a goddamn creative genius. 

12:00- 2:00: Wanders down to the kitchen, eats everything in the general vicinity, decides to binge-watch Red vs. Blue.

2:00: No, no, you goddamn idiot! You have a responsibility to uphold to the three people who follow you semi-regularly! Look, here’s a half-finished draft that you shelved months ago! Maybe you can work something out of –

2:00-5:00: Watches back episodes of Game Grumps.

5: 00: God, I hate you. 

5:00-7:30: Watches Batman Begins for no particular reason.

7:30: Okay, look, you’ve wasted twelve hours on frivolous bullshit, but we can still get a rough draft done if you put your mind to it. So, what’s it gonna be? Are you gonna review Batman Begins? Talk about that potential Legend of Zelda TV show? Maybe do another DeathMa-

7:30-12:30: Watches The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises for no particular reason.

12:30: Fuck it. Quote of the Day it is. 

Problems…We’ve got internet problems….

The funniest thing that Garfield has done since Garfield and Friends went off the air. In 1994.

So, I haven’t been able to post a damn thing for a while, thanks to a combination of my laptop being an uncooperative bastard, the internet crapping out on me, and an oversaturation of work and school in my life. It doesn’t help that Marvel decided to announce all their planned movies into late next decade, while I’m still working through the DC ones (At a painfully slow pace, albeit). Add a few more projects that I haven’t managed to get off the ground yet, and I’m not quite in the best of places when it comes to staying on top off things.

So, to give myself a little bit of breathing room, I’m pushing this week’s TV reviews back another week, so I’ll do three-episode reviews for each show. They may be kinda rushed, but whaddya want? I have a life outside of this passion project.

Booze-induced naptime, for instance.

So, hopefully, I’ll get something out this weekend, but next week is a long weekend for me, so I’m gonna try to get a whole bunch of stuff out. Until then, happy halloween!!!

I’ve got my night planned out!!!

The Written Confession of a My Chemical Romance Fan, and why People Hated Them

Hello internet. It’s me, Kenny Rollins. You may remember me as the guy who rambles about superheroes, baseball and douchebags. That is, if you’re one of the ten people who MIGHT read each one of my posts. Otherwise, you likely stumbled here by accident and don’t know shit about me.

For the record, I look like this.

Anyways, one thing that you may/should know about me is that I’m a huge music fan. I’ll listen to anything as long as it’s relatively dubstep- and auto-tune– free. However, my preferred genre is punk rock. If ever I get a Wikipedia page (Unlikely) for being the front-man  for a successful band (EXTREMELY unlikely), my listed influences will be a veritable compendium of classic 70’s punk, 80’s hardcore, 90’s pop-punk and skate punk, and present day melodic hardcore.

Also, Eminem, because why the hell not?

However, since my band will likely be known as an unflinching melodic hardcore quartet that remains hard-rocking while retaining pop sensibilities, there would be one band that may come as a surprise to some. This band is My Chemical Romance, and yes, I am a fan.

No, really.

Now, understand that when I write the word “confession”, I mean just that. “Something that is confessed.”

I’m not ashamed of being an MCR fan. Rather, I’m apprehensive of why the majority of people don’t care for them. Before beginning my essay though, I’d just like to defend my love for the (now defunct) band.

Now, let me be the first to admit that some of MCR’s music was total shit. Specifically, their debut albumI Brought You My Bullets, You Gave Me Your Love. For the life of me, I cannot understand why people gave this album positive reviews, but skip ahead a couple albums. Have you listened to The Black Parade? It’s pretty fucking good. Sure, it’s overblown and pretentious, but I’m willing to look past that  if it includes songs like “Welcome to the Black Parade” and “Famous Last Words.” Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys was almost as overblown and not as good, but c’mon. Listen to “Na Na Na.” That song is catchy as fuck. You can’t not like that song, but more on that later..

Also, the video included this, whatever it may be.

Anyways, I’ve narrowed the various reasons people hated MCR down to three. First off, the low quality of some of their music. Secondly, The rabid fangirls associated with pretty much any fanbase.  Finally, The ever-damning “emo” label, which has plagued the band since their inception.

To begin, I’m gonna get one of the more obvious ones out of the way: Some of MCR’s music really sucks. Shocking, right? The band that co-headlined the 2005 Warped Tour with Fall Out Boy put out some bad music.

I find it hard to believe that anyone imagined Patrick Stump with sideburns and thought it was a good idea.

Take their first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. With the exception of the initial single, “Vampires Will Never Hurt You“, and the initial instrumental guitar piece, there is nothing notable about this album. The rest of the songs range from extremely forgettable (“This is the Best Day Ever” and “Skylines and Turnstiles”) to pretty bloody awful (See: “Drowning Lessons” and “Our Lady Of Sorrows.”). Oh, the critic were fairly positive, calling it “unique” and “convincing“. Convincing, I get. Lead vocalist (And cartoonist) Gerard Way pours his  heart and soul out through mostly intense screaming about vampires, drugs and suicide.

Insert Twilight joke here.

But “unique”? Um, maybe. I couldn’t tell because the music really shortchanged me in the “gripping” department. I’m not one to dismiss music as being a mass of mindless screaming…

Usually.

… But that is really all I got from a good part of the album.

Now, the second album, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, was an improvement, but the lyrics somewhat deteriorated into, well, average territory. They plummeted into straight up atrocious territory on the awfully titled Top 100 single, “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)”. Really. I can’t stress how awful that title is.

The final two studio albums (The Black Parade and Danger Days: The True Lives Of the Fabulous Killjoys) and the Conventional Weapons compilation were all large improvements, but they failed to erase the following two problems, one pf them being…

Hint: They drew this.

Fangirls! (And fanboys, I don’t discriminate)

Now, I’m sure everybody reading this  knows of the idiocy of Justin Bieber’s tween fanbase/private, devoted zealot militia, the Beliebers, whose crimes range from being run-of-the-mill dumb preteen girls to insulting people that would rather not get run over by some flash-in-the-pan tween-pop bitch or sending death threats to the girl unfortunate enough to date their idol instead of them. Sure, considering he’s over eighteen, that’s pedophilia, but goddammit, it’s meant to be!

Yep, nothing that would land him on an FBI watchlist here…

But sometimes, we focus so much on the Beliebers of the world (And the Little Monsters…And Juggalos…) that we forget that decent rock groups have insane fan bases as well. The first that come to mind are the Beatlemaniacs , one of which showed their devotion and love for the band by murdering John Lennon. And you’re dreaming if you think MCR was free of near-insane fans. They’re not so much like Mark David Chapman though. More like somewhat annoying religous fanatics who may be obnoxiously loud, but are easily drowned out.

Apparently, they’ve never heard the Ramones.

“MCR saved my life” is a recurring statement on MCR’s comment boards. On one hand, it’s nice that young fans have found a band to call their own . On the other, I humbly call bullshit.

Shh…. Don’t cry…

To those that insist that they would have slit their wrists and passed away if MCR hadn’t come along: Have you heard their fucking lyrics?!!!

“The amount of pills I’m taking counteracts the booze I’m drinking.”

“I think I’d love to die alone.”

“I’ll end my days with you in a hail of bullets.”

Also, the entire Black Parade album, which is literally about death by cancer. How exactly is that a life-saving aid and not the guy, looking up at the guy about to jump of a building, yelling “Do it! Do it! Do it!”

Of course, I am in no way endorsing the Daily Mail’s opinion of My Chemical Romance, which is that they inspire an emo suicide cult.

“Oh sorry, you’re not a cult, you’re an….army? Does that make it better or worse?”

The word “emo” was in the early 21st century what the word “hipster” is today. A broad, catch-all term for a subculture widely despised by the mainstream.

This dude is surprised when he is told that 'Coachella' means 'stupid white guy'

Mostly for good reasons.

The band themselves have rejected the genre, with Gerard Way having this to say about it:

Basically, it’s never been accurate to describe us. Emo bands were being booked while we were touring with Christian metal bands because no one would book us on tours. I think emo is fucking garbage, it’s bullshit. I think there’s bands that unfortunately we get lumped in with that are considered emo and by default that starts to make us emo.”

Quite true Gerard, but, again, when you co-headline with Fall Out Boy in the Warped Tour, you can’t be exactly surprised when they start lumping you in with that crowd.

So, to conclude, the main reasons that the only tears that were shed over MCR’s demise were eyeliner stained “MCRmy” tears were some of the lackluster quality of their early music, some annoying fans and the “emo” label.

However, before any angry MCRmy members (What a stupid fucking name) comment angrily, I want to stress that I love this band, and Black Parade ranks among my favourite albums. And I will defend myself against anyone that says I’m not a “real punk” for liking them. So I call for peace.

So can’t we all just pick something to agree on?

Like how much Falling in Reverse sucks ass?

Hi! My name is Kenny and it`s real nice to meet you!

Greetings, Internet!

Welcome to my blog, the cleverly titled (I thought) “Please Kill the Messenger”. This is where I talk about whatever interests me, and you read and comment politely, preferably without repeatedly calling me a fag!

Now, obviously, you don`t know me, so let me introduce myself. My (fake) name is Kenny Rollins. I am a 16 year old Salvadoran-Canadian living in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where I fight daily with yetis and humongous, man-eating beavers to ensure my survival.

I started the blog because I enjoy writing things. I started writing my first novel (An Alex Rider rip-off) at age 12. While this draft will never see the light of day if I can help it, I caught the writing bug and decided that documenting things in a blog would be a good experience.

Typical features on the blog may include movie reviews, movie synopses (There`s a big Lion King one coming up!) music reviews, pop culture observations, my Toronto Blue Jays, and life as a bored teenager in general.

Well, this introduction seemed to go well, so I`m gonna cut it short before I start swearing. If you think I`m clever, and that I deserve to show off my meager writing talent, then please (pretty please) hit “follow”. If not, then that`s okay, and thanks for stopping by, eh?

For those of you who wanna stick around, first of all, thanks, and second of all, buckle up.

Because man o` man are we gonna have fun with this thing.