DISCLAIMER: Game of Thrones spoilers lay ahead. If you haven’t caught up with the rest of us, then a) seriously reconsider your life choices and b) read a different post on my wonderful blog. I can’t even type that without snickering.
Also, I haven’t read the novels, so don’t spoil anything for me, pretty please.
I originally had this series very neatly laid out. It was to be divided into three posts, each with three characters, and each to be released after the first three episodes of the season. However, I didn’t count on George R.R. Martin doing something unexpected: He actually killed off someone who deserved to die. There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.
If there’s one message I’m taking away from Game of Thrones, it’s to have a private wedding when I get married. Also, if you hear this song at any point during a wedding, it’s time to get the fuck outta there.
Anyways, time to get on with it!
Petyr Baelish
Also known as “Littlefinger”. Nice soul patch, dickhead.
House: Baelish
Allegiance: Himself
I tried to like Littlefinger. I really really did.
He’ smart, witty, and there was a sympathetic element to him, especially concerning his past with Catelyn Tully and his history with the Starks. He seemed like the kind of guy who could be sympathetic and one of my favourite characters, but still be an ambitious semi-antagonist to the Starks.
And then, he revealed his true colours. A treasonous, petty, honourless little shit who desires nothing more than to make those more privileged than him suffer, and who betrays Ned Stark and doesn’t exactly endear himself to the audience by creeping on Sansa Stark and giving Roz to Joffrey, a psychotic sexual sadist, who fills her full of crossbow bolts. Nice. Also, deciding to marry Lysa Arryn dosn’t exactly do your image any good.
Tywin Lannister
For God’s sake, could somebody punch this old fuck’s smug face in already?
House: Lannister
Allegiance: Tommen Baratheon now, I guess.
Genocidal, ruthless and cold towards even his oh so important family, the Lannister family’s patriarch is probably the most powerful person in the kingdom, and will do anything in his power to make sure his house comes out on top, which is weird, considering that the only people in his family that he seems to like are his late wife Joanna, his brother, Kevan and his son, Jaime, kind of.
Indifference towards his family isn’t Tywin’s only crime though. He psychologically tortures his youngest son, Tyrion, orders the massacre of all but two of the Targaryen children, hardly batting an eyeash when Gregor Clegane does so in addition to a raping spree and, most famously, he orders the infamous Red Wedding, resulting in the destruction of the Stark and Tully families. He props up Joffrey’s regime, though it is unsure what his next move will be now that that’s over.
Personally, I’m hoping he hooks up with Olenna Redwynne. I think they make a cute old couple. even if one of them is an amoral genocidal asshole.
To be continued…
Please Kill the Messenger 