A message of congratulations to the Toronto Blue Jays

Wow, you almost can’t tell that Sergio Santos just turned in the worst relief appearance in Blue Jays history. Almost.

Dear Toronto Blue Jays front office, management and players:

You played a fantastic pair of games yesterday. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Honest! Most teams would tremble at the thought of facing the mighty Minnesota Twins. Never mind that Joe Mauer schmuck. Most anybody would be damn near terrified to face the wrath of such perennial all-stars such as Chris Herrmann and Kurt Suzuki. No wonder you all  pitched around Josmil Pinto the way that you guy did. I would have too. Sure, he’s barely hitting .200, but it’s still early and a superstar like him is bound to break out at any time.

Seen Here: Josmil “The Destroyer of Worlds” Pinto.

It’s a wonder that you made it to the seventh inning with a lead, frankly. Even with the marvelous four innings that Dustin McGowan threw, giving up only three runs, six hits and four walks, you still held on to a pitiful 5-3 lead. Don’t get me wrong though, you should all count yourselves very lucky to hold a lead against a team that smart money has picked to finish second-last only to the Astros in the American League.

John Gibbons doesn’t need to blame himself for this. It’s not his fault that his brilliant strategy of “taking good, solid pitchers like Neil Wagner and Brett Cecil out of the game way before they’re out of gas” didn’t work out. All revolutionary actions are bound to hit a rough spot at some point,mainly due to the fact that they’re highly illogical,  but they’re also eventually recognized for the sheer brilliance that they are, no matter how much of a toll they take on your bullpen.

Or, in some cases, your life expectancy.

And could you really blame Sergio Santos for his implosion of Ricky Romero-like proportions? I’m not even gonna joke about this anymore, because there is no positive way to spin this. Three wild pitches in an inning? Are you fucking serious? I’ve seen Little Leaguers pitch better innings than that.

I’m sorry that this post is so irrelevant to my usual topics and filled with pretty mean-spirited sarcasm, but I really needed to vent about this and it was either using this creative outlet or screaming wordless cries of pain.

AL All-Star Ballot Update!

Let the popularity contest begin!

The All-Star voting campaigns have been upon us for a while, and the rampant ballot stuffing has already begun! For those of us who actually want to see a good, competitive All-Star Game with deserving, not necessarily popular players, this can be an especially painful time of the season. But hey, maybe I`m just not laid-back enough to accept an injured Derek Jeter at shortstop.

The All-Star Game: A magical time of year where all the players voted in are magically healed up so they can play. Of course, by “all the players”, I mean “the New York Yankees.”

But hey, who am I to overthrow a democratic system? I`ll be damned if I don`t still vote for the ASG every year. And I don`t just ballot stuff for my Blue Jays every year either. (Though at this point, who would?)  I believe that each league should field its best players, no matter how unpopular, unattractive, or NL East-y they are.

Today, MLB.com released the first ballot update. Here`s my knee jerk reaction to the races at each position.

CATCHER:

1. Joe Mauer, Twins: 863,450
2. Matt Wieters, Orioles: 715,055
3. Carlos Santana, Indians: 547,873
4. A.J. Pierzynski, Rangers: 510,434
5. Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Red Sox: 331,344

This list actually isn’t that bad. While I don`t think that Wieters or Saltalamacchia are All-Stars, Joe Mauer is by far the best candidate for the starting job. Santana and Pierzynski would be my second and third choices, should Mauer get injured.

FIRST BASE
1. Chris Davis, Orioles: 1,176,016
2. Prince Fielder, Tigers: 1,059,300
3. Mike Napoli, Red Sox: 380,448
4. Albert Pujols, Angels: 374,538
5. Mitch Moreland, Rangers: 371,806

Thank GOD. I was worried that Chris Davis would be forgotten. Yes, I, too think that Davis is currently the best option at the not-so-hot corner.  Two complaints though: 1) Prince Fielder has not justified being that close behind, and 2) What the HELL is Albert Pujols doing here when Adam Lind is hitting .323?

SECOND BASE
1. Robinson Cano, Yankees: 1,235,230
2. Ian Kinsler, Rangers: 656,827
3. Dustin Pedroia, Red Sox: 642,419
4. Omar Infante, Tigers: 417,333
5. Brian Roberts, Orioles: 291,756

Robbie Cano takes second base, easy. The only thing stopping him from being a 5-Tool player is his lack of good speed.

Kinsler, Pedroia and Infante are all viable backup candidates, though I`m puzzled as to what exactly Brian Roberts is doing in the Top 5 instead of Jose Altuve or Howard Kendrick.

THIRD BASE
1. Miguel Cabrera, Tigers: 1,500,165
2. Manny Machado, Orioles: 723,943
3. Adrian Beltre, Rangers: 600,271
4. Evan Longoria, Rays: 454,047
5. Kevin Youkilis, Yankees: 235,388

Poor Manny Machado. If only the only thing blocking his way to having an All-Star start to his excellent season wasn’t the best hitter in the known universe.

Anyways, no complaints here except for Kevin Youkillis over Kyle Seager.

SHORTSTOP
1. Elvis Andrus, Rangers: 727,555
2. J.J. Hardy, Orioles: 717,103
3. Jhonny Peralta, Tigers: 540,581
4. Jed Lowrie, Athletics: 523,743
5. Derek Jeter, Yankees: 380,445

Alright, what the FUCK, fellow fans? Elvis Andrus? Seriously? The man has an OPS of .626! Granted, stats aren’t always the be-all-end-all, but in this case, it should be! .626!

And Derek Jeter? What?! I love the guy as much as the next fan, but Come ON! He hasn`t even played a game this season, and 380, 000 people want him to start at shortstop! Jetes does not need to have a perfect All-Star attendance record. He`s a fucking baseball player. Baseball players get hurt. If they`re hurt, they miss All-Star Games. Deal with it.

And would everybody please give a little more love to Jhonny Peralta? Jesus Christ…

OUTFIELD
1. Mike Trout, Angels: 1,190,676
2. Adam Jones, Orioles: 1,181,875
3. Torii Hunter, Tigers: 761,937
4. Nelson Cruz, Rangers: 712,320
5. Jose Bautista, Blue Jays: 653,475
6. Nick Markakis, Orioles: 595,698
7. Nate McLouth, Orioles: 559,751
8. Alex Gordon, Royals: 522,483
9. Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox: 473,877
10. Josh Hamilton, Angels: 404,597
11. Austin Jackson, Tigers: 400,019
12. Yoenis Cespedes, Athletics: 395,475
13. Coco Crisp, Athletics: 392,202
14. Shane Victorino, Red Sox: 341,733
15. Ichiro Suzuki, Yankees: 337,654

As you may or may not know, I am a huge Jays fan. (Judging by the amount of people who read this article, you probably didn,t know. Read it. It’s good.) This is the only list that has a Jay on it, and I gotta say, I`m kinda dissapointed with the fact that he`s only in fifth. Jose Bautista has been really, really good this year (Padres series notwithstanding) and definitely merits an All-Star start, in my book. I also voted for Mike Trout and Alex Gordon, who I`m surprised to see is so low on the list, under Torii Hunter, Nelson Cruz, and Nate McLouth (!!!). Ellsbury, Hamilton, Jackson, Cespedes, Victorino, and especially Ichiro do NOT deserve to be here.

DESIGNATED HITTER
1. David Ortiz, Red Sox: 1,045,283
2. Lance Berkman, Rangers: 672,547
3. Mark Reynolds, Indians: 452,708
4. Mark Trumbo, Angels: 376,574
5. Victor Martinez, Tigers: 340,967

Why oh why must you anger me so, baseball fans? Sure, David Ortiz deserves first place, and I voted for him, but MARK REYNOLDS over Mark Trumbo (Whose very last name echoes with power)? And what the hell is Victor Martinez doing on this list? What makes me most angry is that Edwin Encarnacion is having so, so much more of a better season then Victor Martinez or Reynolds and (arguably) Berkman. And yet, the guy with the 16 home runs and a .260’s aerage is actually perceived to be INFERIOR to the guy with the .599 OPS? This is why we can`t have nice things!

Well, that`s all for today. Prepare have me get even more pissed about the NAtional League tomorrow. That or an article about the life cycle of pop stars. either or.