Chappie (Movie Review)

I shouldn’t see this scene and think “meh”. I really shouldn’t.

Leave it to me to devote an entire post to a grandiose announcement of things to come, and then post nothing but filler for a week. Ah, well, what’re you gonna do?

On Friday, I went to see Chappie, the third movie from Neill Blomkamp, and number 10 on my “Most Anticipated of 2015” list. Keep my high expectations in mind as I proceed to demolish this movie.

Chappie

Directed by: Neill Blomkamp

Produced by: Simon Kinberg

Written by: Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell

Based on: Tetra Vaal by Neill Blomkamp (Short film)

Genre: Science fiction

Starring: Sharlto Copley, Dev Patel, Ninja, Yolandi Visser, Jose Pablo Cantillo, Sigourney Weaver, Hugh Jackman

Music by: Hans Zimmer

Plot: Johannesburg, South Africa of the near future. Crime is out of control and the police are in over their heads.

In direct contrast to the Johannesburg we know and love today.

Thankfully, weapons manufacturers come to the rescue, as they are known to do, as a corporation named Tetravaal invents the world’s first-ever robotic police force, which absolutely demolishes most of the city’s crime (And yet, criminals still do pretty much whatever they want and Tetravaal workers can be kidnapped right outside the factory. Huh). However, the designer of the robots (Dev Patel) wants to experiment with new Artificial Intelligence software that would allow the robots to feel emotions and have opinions. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he installs the software into a damaged robot (Voiced by Sharlto Copley). Unfortunately, this robot (Dubbed “Chappie”) falls into the hands of some local scumbags (Ninja, Yolandi Visser and Jose Pablo Cantillo) and the childlike Johnny 5/Bugs Bunny hybrid’s future is out into serious jeopardy.

Neill Blomkamp is a name that has been getting more and more recognition within the geek community as the director of the contemporary sci-fi classic that is District 9 and Elysium, one of the most thoroughly okay movies that I’ve ever seen. as well as the director of the upcoming fifth installment in the Alien franchise. Blomkamp’s gritty direction is surprisingly well-suited for the high concept science fiction that he specializes in, and there are moments throughout Chappie where his skill shines through. The CGI and special effects are terrific, especially the effects for Chappie and the other robots, who look breathtakingly lifelike, which I suppose is to be expected from the guy who did the aliens in District 9.

Fooking prawn!!!

When there are action scenes, Blomkamp directs them very well, which, in hindsight, kinda strikes me as a frustrating tease, but c’est la vie.

There are a couple performances that stand out among the rest (More on that later). Dev Patel is very solid as Chappie’s creator, making me wonder once again why in the hell he doesn’t get more work (He even managed to be mostly functional in The Last Airbender, a feat that deserves much praise on its own), but the real standout is Sharlto Copley as the voice and motion capture for the title character. Among all the forgettable or downright detestable characters in this mess of a movie, the one enjoyable, energetic constant is Chappie, who I know would be a joy to watch under the right circumstances.

As much as I did kind of hate this film, I can’t really fault it for existing, if that makes any sense at all. I mentioned in my “Most Anticipated” list that I thought that Chappie kinda looks like a Steven Spielberg movie, which, I admit, had me pretty excited. I really liked the idea of seeing this childlike robot grow up in a rough part of Jo-burg, learning about people and human nature in general. Not only did I not get that, I’m not particularly sure how to describe what I got any other way except “A robot hanging out with a bunch of unlikable scumbags for two hours. Shenanigans ensue.”

If the movie had stuck to the education of Chappie, which had proven early on in the film to be a strong suit, it would have been a whole hell of a lot more entertaining than the actual end result, which didn’t amount to much more than Chappie learning about the joys of petty crime and macho posturing under the tutelage of a hip-hop/rave duo. Ugh.

Speaking of said hip-hop/rave duo, they’re called Die Antwoord (“The Answer” in Afrikaans) and they’re composed of Ninja and Yolandi (Who play the characters of Ninja and Yolandi. Cryptic, I know) and, as you may expect from two people who haven’t acted prior to this movie, they aren’t very good, although they don’t embarrass themselves and they do try, I’ll give them that.

They were better than Jodie Foster in Elysium, believe it or not.

Die Antwoord’s music plays quite frequently throughout the film and is,along with Hans Zimmer’s score, another strong point of the film (Keep in mind, this is coming from somebody who has spent a large portion of his life claiming that rave music is literally worse than Hitler), though the frequency that their music is played can feel like shameless self-promotion a lot of the time (Especially when the characters actually wear Die Antwoord merchandise). Eh, at least it’s not as blatantly obvious as the product placement for PlayStation 4 that occurs at one point. Not to cast the first stone, but you don’t see Nintendo pulling that shit.

Well, not anymore, at least.

Aside from Patel and Copley, none of the actors are particularly good, but a lot of the blame for that should probably be laid at the feet of the writing. Besides Chappie, these characters are garbage. Dev Patel’s character isn’t interesting, Ninja and Yolandi (The characters, obviously, not the actual people) are unlikable scumbags (Though they can apparently do a complete personality 180 at the drop of a hat), America (Ninja and Yolandi’s companion, played ably by Jose Pablo Cantillo) is a completely useless character, Sigourney Weaver is wasted on a generic, amoral corporate character, and Hugh Jackman- Alright, let me just go on a little bit about Hugh Jackman’s character.

I’m a huge Hugh Jackman fan and, as far as performances go, this one isn’t the worst, but this character is absolute dogshit. There’s nothing interesting about him at all and the only flimsy reason for his existence is to move the plot along whilst fitting every single generic villain trope possible. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, no personality other than “angry” and “Australian”, and you wonder why he’s in law enforcement if he’s willing to kill hundreds of innocents just so his fucking ED-209 clone gets authorized by Sigourney Weaver. There’s nothing substantial or entertaining about him, and it’s a travesty that an Oscar-nominated actor could be wasted on such an empty character.

Subtlety has never really been Neill Blomkamp’s strong point. If District 9 was about as subtle an apartheid allegory as a sledgehammer to the face, Elysium was about as subtle a commentary on inequality as a blow from that hammer that King Dedede uses in Super Smash Bros. 

Yeah, that one.

But as blunt as those two movies were about their respective agendas, at least Blomkamp found a somewhat inventive way to get his message across. Chappie tries to delve not so much into political issues, but into philosophical and moral ones, and in the process, I think it becomes a little too subtle, to the point where it loses sight of what it wanted to say in the first place. At one point, the film does try to say something about the duplicity and nastiness of human nature, and, it’s alright, whatever, but it seems out of place. Put it this way: I should never have to say that The Fifth Element did it better. The Fifth Element did a similar message in a much more better and entertaining way.

The Fifth Element: Great movie, or greatest movie?

I feel like it could’ve worked a lot better if, again, they had just made a movie about Chappie learning to be human, and not so much, y’know, what the movie turned out to be.

Overall: Chappie could’ve been great, and, when it’s potential shines through it’s pretty solid, but those moments are few and far between, and in the meantime, what we’re left with is mostly crap.

Rating: 4.5/10

“Well, you can bite me, fuck-mother.”

X-Men: Days of Future Past (Movie Review)

Personally, I just really wanna see more of this guy. What a boss.

Let’s face it folks: We live in an age of film where the only two superhero franchises that are really causing widespread debate are Marvel Studio’s Marvel Cinematic Universe, for all the right reasons, and Warner Bros. ‘ DC Cinematic Universe for, let’s say, less commendable reasons.

“Dawn of Justice”? Holy God.

Often lost in the discussion, however, is the X-Men film series from 20th Century Fox, especially after it faded from the public’s collective memory after the massive turd that was The Last Stand and the final nail in the coffin that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The series has been reestablishing itself, though, with a great origin story in X-Men: First Class and the likeable action movie that was The Wolverine. In 2013, a massive publicity campaign was launched for the next movie in the series, the $225 million dollar budgeted X-Men: Days of Future Past, which incorporates the original actors from the original trilogy and the newbies from First Class. How did it work out? Well, at the very least, it ensured that Shawn Ashmore and Halle Berry remained employed for a bit.

 X-Men: Days of Future Past

Directed by: Bryan Singer

Produced by: Lauren Shuler Donner, Bryan Singer, Simon Kinberg, Hutch Parker

Screenplay by: Simon Kinberg

Story by: Simon Kinberg, Matthew Vaughn, Jane Goldman

Based on: Days of Future Past by Chris Claremont and Josh Byrne

Sequel to: X-Men: First Class, X-Men: The Last Stand, The Wolverine

Series: X-Men (Seventh installment)

Genre: Superhero

Starring: Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicholas  Hoult, Peter Dinklage, Evan Peters, Ellen Page, Halle Berry, Shawn Ashmore, Omar Sy,  Daniel Cudmore, Fan Bingbing, Booboo Stewart, Adam Canto, Josh Helman, Mark Camacho,                                                                                  Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen

Plot: The year: 2023. In this dystopian future, the mutants have been all but wiped out by murderous robots known as Sentinels, who were created in 1973 by a military scientist named Bolivar Trask (Peter Dinklage), whose Sentinel program was largely criticized by the American government until his assassination by rogue mutant insurgent Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence), which convinced the people of the world to adopt it. After Mystique’s capture, her DNA was replicated for use by the Sentinels, who gained Mystique’s shape-shifting powers, making them into essentially the perfect mutant-hunting killers. After years of resistance , the only mutants left include Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart), Magneto (Ian McKellen), Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page), who has the power to send another person’s consciousness back in time to deliver warnings.

Realizing that it’s not long before the Sentinels find their hideout in China and extinguish the mutants once and for all, he decides to send Wolverine back to 1973 in order to stop the assassination of Bolivar Trask from ever happening. In order to do so, Wolverine must team up with the younger version of the deceased Beast (Nicholas Hoult), the younger version of Magneto (Michael Fassbender) who has been incarcerated in the Pentagon as the suspected murder of President Kennedy, and the younger version of Charles Xavier, who, now jaded and cynical,  has shut down his X-Men and regained the use of his legs through the use of a serum, at the expense of his telekinetic powers.

I’ve gone on and on about how recent superhero movies have seemed to commit the same error of making themselves much more convoluted then they really need to be. Both of the superhero movies released this year prior to Days of Future Past (Captain America: The Winter Soldier and The Amazing Spider-Man 2) , while both at least enjoyable, suffered from this problem, although one of them definitely handled this problem a bit better than the other.

Can you guess which one?

And you’d assume that a movie like this one, involving time travel, of all things, would be no different. However you would be wrong. Stop being so presumptuous.

At no point did the film ever lose me through convoluted dialogue or sloppy editing. Nor was it full of elaborate, pretentious dialogue that requires constant hand-holding (Cough-cough. House of Cards). When you’re making a movie that features Wolverine beating the shit out of a bunch of dickheads, you don’t need to mix in a bunch of convoluted crap in to make it feel like the Dark Knight. This movie holds off on that, which is greatly appreciated. All you need to know about the rules of time travel in this universe is neatly explained right from the get-go.

The movie also maintains a crisp pace throughout its’ relatively short run-time of 130 minutes (Ten minutes shorter than the new Spider-man). I never got bored, or felt my mind wander as boring dialogue took over. The movie finds a nice balance between witty dialogue, dramatic exposition and kick-ass action scenes. Sure, it had the minimal amounts of superhero cheese, but hey, you’re not watching Dark Knight. A little bit of cheese every now and then isn’t going to kill you.

Well, not right away, anyways.

Speaking of the dialogue, the movie hits the perfect balance between dark and funny, with most of the humor being provided by Hugh Jackman (Once again excellent as everyone’s favourite Canadian rage-monster), who provides surprisingly well-done quips and banter. and Evan Peters, who easily steals the show as everyone’s favourite new  X-Man, Quicksilver. Peters, otherwise known for his roles in American Horror Story  and Kick-Ass (Before he wisely jumped the ship of the latter franchise) brings his knack for comic timing to the table, which works all too well with the character of Peter Maximoff, who ends up having what could possibly be one o the best scenes in the entire movie.

My one problem with the character of Quickilver is the way that he is left behind by Wolverine and his berry band o’ mutants once they’re done using him. Couldn’t they have used somebody who can move at light-speed? I feel like that would’ve been extremely useful.

As for the rest of the giant cast, there isn’t really a weak link among the bunch. Jackman and Peters are great before, as mentioned, and Booboo Stewart, Shawn Ashmore, Halle Berry, Ellen Page, Fan Bingbing and Omar Sy and company, while they may not have all that much lines, do what is required of them, which is, look cool in action scenes, and stand around stoically.  Patrick Stewart an Ian McKellen (Old Xavier and old Magneto) are great in their limited scenes in this movie, and Peter Dinklage does good work as Bolivr Trask even if I was a bit shaken by him using his natural American accent instead of the English one he uses in Game of Thrones.

The best performances in the movie, however, clearly belong to the characters returning from First Class. James McAvoy is downright fantastic as the cynical younger version of Charles Xavier, as is Michael Fassbender as the radical mutant idealist known as Magneto. The scenes between the two can be downright heartbreaking, as the two old friends continuously butt heads over their extreme ideological differences, but remain painfully aware of the bond they share as former brothers in arms.

Nicholas Hoult (Beast) is good as well, but his real-life girlfriend, Jennifer Lawrence is pretty damn great. Nobody’s gonna scream “Oscar” this time around, but she did a fine job considering that a) I didn’t find her too be that good in First Class and b) Her character, Mystique, is disappointingly one-note this time around, and basically serves as a plot device to move the story forward.

And hey, when it comes to one-note characters, you could do a lot worse than casting the most bankable movie star on planet Earth right now.

 

Overall: Side-stepping the many dangers that come with making a large-scale superhero movie like this, Days of Future Past is an action-packed, dark, and surprisingly funny film, and is comparable to The Avengers when it comes to sheer enjoyment level. It’s not exactly Dark Knight (The best superhero movie ever), and The Avengers is still superior in my mind, but hey, when Wolverine is tearing a bunch of punk-ass motherfuckers to shreds, who needs that “Why so serious” bullshit?

Rating: 9.5/10

And, for what it’s worth,  the Sentinels now top my list of movie robots to be fucking terrified of.

 

 

 

 

 

Razzie Movie Review: Movie 43 and my Golden Raspberry Award Picks

And to think that before today, I had to really think about it before deciding what was the worst movie I’d ever seen.

 Movie 43

Directed by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Produced by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Written by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Genres: Sketch “Comedy”,  Gross-Out “Comedy”

Starring: Oh, my God, you guys didn’t have to do this. For fuck’s sake, some of you guys have  Oscar nominations. Hell, Halle Berry HAS a goddamn Oscar!

Razzie Nominations: Worst Screen Combo (Entire Cast), Worst Screenplay, Worst Actress (Berry), Worst Actress (Watts), Worst Director (All 13 Directors) Worst Picture

Plot: The different sketches that comprise this movie are part of a plot that involves a group of teenagers’ internet search for the fabled “Movie 43”, which is supposedly the most outrageous movie ever made. I understand that there’s another version of this sketch that stars Common and Dennis Quaid, but I’m sure I’m not missing that much.

The Catch: Beth (Kate Winslet) is a single businesswoman going on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), who is supposedly the city’s most high-profile bachelor. Everything seems to be going well until Davis takes off his scarf to reveal the pair of testicles hanging from his chin! And get this: Beth is the only one who seems to notice the testicles!

Improbably, this isn’t even the stupidest sketch in the whole fucking movie. I really wish it had just ended here, but alas…

Homeschooled: A newly moved-in couple (Alex Cranmer and Julie Ann Emery) have coffee with their new neighbours, Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts). Rob and Samantha describe in detail their program of homeschooling their son (Jeremy Allen White). Bullying, hazing, detentions, and possible incest ensue.

The Proposition: Julie and Doug (Real-life married couple Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, respectively) have been in a happy relationship for over a year. However, when Doug is about to propose to her, she reveals that she wants him to poop on her. With the help of his friend (J.B. Smoove), Doug sets out to shit on his girl in the most romantic way possible.

At this point in the movie, I was seriously considering suicide. There would be many more suicidal thoughts over the next hour or so.

Veronica: Grocery store cashier Nate (Macaulay Culkin’s younger brother, Kieran) meets his ex-girlfrien Veronica (Emma Stone) at his job. Disturbing conversations ensue.

iBabe: Richard Gere discusses how to market the iBabe, which is like an iPod, but it’s a full-grown naked woman, and which is mangling the dicks of the teenage boys who inevitably try to fuck it, with his workers (Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi, Jack McBrayer). It’s kind of hard to argue with the whole “Teenage boys fucking things they shouldn’t be fucking” theme, but this is still one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.

Superhero Speed Dating: I’m just gonna skip this one. Any problems with that? Cool.

Middleschool Date: Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloe Grace Moretz) are having a (Admittedly, pretty realistic) date at Nathan’s place when Amanda has her first period. I will never again watch Kick-Ass with the same sense of wonder.

Happy Birthday, Truth or Dare, Victory’s Glory: These are all garbage. Every single fucking one. Every fucking second of these pieces of shit.

Beezel: Whoever thought that this segment would be funny deserves to be dragged out into the street and shot. 

Acting: I usually like talking shit about movies, but this movie is just the most painful thing to dwell on. All the actors are atrocious, because most of them just don’t give a shit about this film.

Weirdly enough, the character I most identified was Chloe Grace Moretz’s character. Not because I’m a teenage girl having her first period, but because of her line “WILL YOU IDIOTS JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”, which is a line that I wish was screamed at the people who pitched this goddamn movie.

In short, there is nothing even remotely good about this movie. So, this piece of shit has the distinction of being the first movie to which I award the following rating.

Overall Rating: 0/10

***

So, I’m pleased to say that, for the first time ever, I’ve managed to watch all the Oscar-(And Razzie-) nominated money before their rating. Problem is, I haven’t had time to post a review in between school, homework, my job bitching about the Blue Jays, and, you know, actually watching the goddamn movies. So, while I’ve watched all the movies, the reviews are still gonna run a little late. I’m sure this would piss me off, but I’m getting pretty sick of these reviews.

Now, don’t worry loyal readers, the reviews are still. coming, and I’m gonna put ’em out as quick as possible. It’s just that I’m also gonna go back to also writing about baseball, music, and whatever else is on my mind.

Anyways, here are my picks for the 2014 Golden Raspberry Awards, from my first pick to my third pick (Any category that has an asterisk next to it is a category in which I didn’t watch most of the movies because they weren’t “Worst Picture” nominees. However, if one of the movies I didn’t see wins an award, I’ll make a point to add it to my upcoming reviews).

Worst Screenplay: 

1.  Movie 43. I judge comedy scripts on how funny they are (Obviously). This movie…. Was not funny.
2. After Earth. “Danger is real…Fear is a choice….” That about says it all.
3. Grown Ups 2. It’s post-Funny People Adam Sandler, so that should tell you all you need to know.

Worst Director:

1. The 13 People who who directed Movie 13. Brett Ratner is one of them, which seems about right.
2. M. Night Shyamalan (After Earth). Holy shit, it really has been 15 years since The Sixth Sense, huh?
3. Dennis Dugan (Grown Ups 2). Dennis, just stop. Please…Just..Stop.

 Worst Prequel, Rip-Off or Sequel*:

1. Grown Ups 2: It’s not like the original one was good, but it’s a bad sign when getting rid of Rob Schneider isn’t addition via subtraction.
2. The Lone Ranger: I dunno if it really sullied the original’s proud reputation of racism, but it still sucked.

Worst Screen Combo: 

1. Jaden and Will Smith (After Earth): You’d think a father/son combo would have a little more chemistry, but you’d be wrong.
2. The entire cast of Movie 43. I feel sorry for them, but they were still awful.
3. The entire cast of Grown Ups 2. Honestly, Nick Swardson drags this cast through the mud even more.

Worst Supporting Actress*: 

1. Salma Hayek (Grown Ups 2): She’s the only nominee I’ve seen, but she was still atrocious.

Worst Supporting Actor:

1. Nick Swardson (Grown Ups 2 and A Haunted House): I hate, hate, hate Nick Swardson. He’s a lock for a Razzie in whatever he’s in.
2. Will Smith (After Earth): I expect more from the Fresh Prince.
3. Taylor Lautner (Grown Ups 2): Though, if I must be honest, his karate moves were pretty badass.

Worst Actress*: 

1.  Naomi Watts (Movie 43 and Diana): Honestly, though, they could have picked any actress in that movie.
2. Tyler Perry (A Madea Christmas): What did I just see? What the FUCK did I just see?!?!

Worst Actor*:

1. Jaden Smith (After Earth): Holy shit Jaden, just stick to your terrible rap songs, okay?
2. Adam Sandler (Grown Ups 2) He wasn’t the worst actor in this movie, but still…

Worst Picture:

1. Movie 43
2. After Earth
3. Grown Ups 2

Top 10 Movie and TV Anti-Heroes Part 1 of 3: 10-8 (SPOILERS AHEAD)

Anti-Hero: a leading character in a film, book or play who lacks some or all of the traditional heroic qualities, such as altruism, idealism, courage, nobility, fortitude, and moral goodness.

It seems like the concept of the anti-hero is a recent invention among movies and TV. Just thirty-some years ago, the defining hero of my mom’s generation was Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi, and about as noble a human being as one can be. This generation’s hero is a fifty-something drug dealer who poisons children and murders anybody who looks at him funny. Talk about a generation gap. If Breaking Bad had aired in the sixties, it would have caused a riot of WASPy parents that would have made the anti-music backlash of the eighties look like a calm and reasonable discussion.

It might have even gone a ways towards making Tipper Gore look like a halfway competent politician.

In reality, the concept of the anti-hero has been around since the beginning of storytelling. The ancient Greeks had a crapload of them. In the ancient legends, Hercules may have been a great hero, but he was also a poster child for anger management issues, having killed his music teacher, Linus, with a lyre, for whatever reason. He was also an extreme womanizer, (As well as whatever the gay equivalent of womanizer is) and who would have put Hugh Hefner (And Freddy Mercury) to shame, with at least thirty different male and female conquests, spread out between (And during) four different marriages. Also, instead of in the Disney movie, where Hercules beats the hell out of Hades (See what I did there?) and ends up hooking up with his sassy, unnecessarily well endowed companion, Megara, Hercules leaves James Woods alone, but is driven mad by Hera (Who’s not his mother,  and hates him, unlike in the movie) and, um, murders Megara and their four children.

Run, bitch! RUUUNNN!!!

So yeah, the concept of a slightly or largely amoral hero kicking ass and taking names isn’t a new one. It was just buried under the idea of classical heroism promoted by American propaganda during the depression (Superman, Batman),World War II (Captain America) and the Cold War (Iron Man). The anti-hero made a comeback around the seventies in movies, TV and comic books, thanks in large part to the anti-authoritarian ideals of those years,  and is going strong to this day in the same three mediums.

Anyways, the following lists are the result of my quest to find the ten best anti-heroes in movies and television. There are several criteria for inclusion on this list though:

• I have to have seen their show/movie.
• They have to be the main protagonist of at least one movie (Which means that Hit-Girl and Severus Snape are not included).
• They can become a villain (Walter White), or start off as a villain (Tony Montana), but they have to be likable and adhere to a moral code (Which means that Daniel Plainview and that freaky kid from A Clockwork Orange are both out.)
•  No, Batman is not an anti-hero. he does not lack altruism, idealism, courage, nobility, fortitude or moral goodness. Well, maybe not when Frank Miller writes him, but we’re not on comic books.
• A lack of a no-kill policy isn’t necessary, but it helps.

Anyways, let’s get this party started:

10. Wolverine 

Appearances:  X-Men, X2, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, X-Men: First Class (Cameo), The Wolverine, X-Men: Days of the Future Past

Portrayed By: Hugh Jackman

Real Name: James “Logan” Howlett

Occupation: Adventurer, X-Man, former mercenary

No-Kill Policy?: No

A mutant with a tortured past, claws protruding from between his knuckles, a skeleton laced with indestructible adamantium and a healing factor that makes him damn near impossible to kill, this Canadian badass translated all too well from the comic book to the big screen, with Hugh Jackman using his natural Aussie charm to transform the character from short and ugly to tall and, well, gorgeous.

It’s the magic of Hollywood!!! (And diet pills)

Born James Howlett, the most famous of the X-Men originated from the wilds of Alberta, Canada, where he and his feral mutant half-brother, Victor Creed, run away from home after James accidentally kills their father when his claws emerge for the first time. Fleeing to the States and put their superpowers to use, fighting in the Civil War, World Wars 1 and 2 and Vietnam, before being recruited into a mutant mercenary group, Team X, led by William Stryker, which also included such Marvel staples as Deadpool, John Wraith the,um, Blob, Agent Zero and Charlie from Lost. when he leaves the group due to their slaughter of innocents, he leaves Team X, is tricked into having adamantium bonded to his bones to make him even more indestructible, fights the thing that was supposed to be Deadpool, and has his girlfriend die, or something. I kind of hated this movie.

Anyways, he later joins the X-Men and fights the forces of intolerance, led by both Stryker and Ian McKellen’s Magneto, before leaving the group after the clusterfuck that was The Last Stand and retiring to the Yukon to befriend CGI bears and scare the shit out of poachers. After his adventures in Japan in his solid second solo appearance, it appears that Logan will return in Days of the Future Past to be the mutant Marty McFly, or something.

The amoral superhero’s on-screen depictions have been well-received, and have made Jackman one of the most recognizable actors in the world. And no matter how much work Brett Ratner and, to a much lesser extent, Gavin Hood put into making him look like a much bigger sissy than anybody with metal claws has any right to look like, the man known  as Logan has still developed more depth then most superheroes, as shown by the awesome revelation scenes with William Stryker and Lady Deathstryke in X2 and the boring, poorly done flashbacks with tons of expendable characters in Origins. Long story short, as long as Brian Singer and/or James Mangold is there to direct, Wolverine should continue to develop into the force of nature comic fans know him to be.

9. V

 Appearance: V for Vendetta

Portrayed by: Hugo Weaving

Real Name: ???

Occupation: Vigilante, Insurgent

No-Kill Policy: Nope.

Hero or villain? Revolutionary or terrorist? It’s up to the viewer to decide what to make of V, the Guy Fawkes masked anarchist from Alan Moore and David Lloyd’s classic graphic novel, V for Vendetta. The excellent film adaptation introduced moviegoers to his theatrical  brand of violent anti-fascist insurgency.

Little is known about the man known only as V. His only known backstory is that he was imprisoned by the British government (Led by the fascist Norsefire party) at Larkhill Resettlement Camp, a death camp populated by political prisoners, homosexuals, Black people, Jews, Muslims, Indians and Pakistanis, which doesn’t exactly help nail his identity. Lucky(?) for him, he was not selected to be among the exterminated and was instead subjected to medical experimentation, which killed his fellow prisoners, but enhanced his strength and reflexes to abnormal levels, in addition to giving him genius-level intelligence, because giving your captive superhuman powers and intelligence is a good idea when you’re also trying to keep him under your thumb.

“Oh, okay, we see now that murdering a crapload of people and giving the rest all they need to defeat us may have backfired on us a little bit.”

After his inevitable escape, V dons a Guy Fawkes mask and costume and begins both a personal vendetta against his captors at Larkhill, consisting of psychological torture and assassinations, and a revolt against the tyranny of the Norsefire party, characterized by his flair for the dramatic, his love of anarchism and explosives.

While V is s freedom fighter, and I think that we can all agree that we’d rather be anything but fascist, it’s important to note that also has a twisted sense of morality that can make us hate the charismatic revolutionary. Case in point, his psychological abuse of his protege, Evey. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more conflicted about  a protagonist then when it was revealed that he orchestrated all that.

Nevertheless, thanks to the success of the film and the comic book (Which is better, in my opinion) V (Specifically, his Guy Fawkes mask) has become a symbol for civil rights movements around the world, including the Occupy Movement, the Egyptian Revolution and the activists, Anonymous.

8. Django 

Appearance: Django Unchained

Portrayed By: Jamie Foxx

Real Name: Django Freeman

Occupation: Bounty hunter, former slave

Quentin Tarantino has a reputation for writing and directing not only some fantastic movies, but also some excellent anti-heroes. Jules Winnfield, Beatrix Kiddo, Jackie Brown, Aldo Raine…

…Mr. Pink…

However, I chose to go with his most recent protagonist, the slave turned vengeful bounty hunter, Django.

Separated from his wife, Broomhilda, and sold into slavery, Django is rescued by German bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz, who has been searching for the Brittle Brothers, a notorious gang of slave drivers and Django’s former owners. Schultz, who despises slavery, but is also an opportunist, offers Django a deal: Django becomes his apprentice and helps him find the Brittle Brothers and other dangerous  criminals…

…Like the Jonah Hill-led pre-KKK.

…and in return, Schultz helps him rescue Broomhilda from the clutches of the charismatic but insane slave driver, Calvin Candie, (Played by Leonardo DiCaprio, who’s in full “Just give me my fucking Oscar already” form).

Sure, there were a ton of off-putting things about the film, specifically, the close-up shots of blood spurting out of bullet wounds, the constant saying of the n-word, and Quentin Tarantino’s acting, but you don’t go to a movie about slavery expecting to see rainbows, Uncle Toms and butterflies, like in some Paula Deen wedding fantasy, or whatever. Slavery’s been pretty much taboo until recently, with movies like Django Unchained and 12 Years a Slave contending for Oscars, and depicting the horrible, disgusting realities of slavery you didn’t see in Gone With the Wind. It helps that Django was a total badass, mowing down evil slave driver after evil slave driver and spewing memorable banter (“The “D” is silent”) left and right.

In short, Django is both a badass anti-hero, and a convenient way to alleviate white guilt. You can’t go wrong with that combo.

Join me in a few days as I keep counting down the Top 10 movie and TV anti-heroes.