Birdman (Movie Review)

Pffft. Whatever man. This is Tuesday for me.

If you read my review of Boyhood, the presumptive favourite for the Best Picture award at the next Academy Awards, you know that I wasn’t the biggest fan of the movie (It’s great, just not the best movie of the year, in my opinion). Knowing this, you may be itching to think what movies I think are good enough to displace what some are calling the best movie of this current decade?

I’d say Birdman is a pretty solid bet (And Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. And Guardians of the Galaxy, and Captain America…).

Oh fuck, it’s Mothman!!!

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Directed by: Alejandro González Iñárritu

Produced by: Alejandro González Iñárritu, John Lesher,  Arnon Milchan, James W. Skotchdopole

Written by: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone,  Alexander Dinelaris, Jr., Armando Bo

Genre: Black comedy

Starring: Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Amy Ryan, Naomi Watts

Music by: Antonio Sánchez

Plot: Birdman revolves around a Broadway adaptation of Raymond Carver’s short story, “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”. The play is being written and directed by Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton), who is also starring in the lead role. Riggan used to be one of the biggest actors on the planet, back when he was the star of the crowd-pleasing Birdman franchise, which he left after the third movie, languishing in obscurity ever since. His bid for newfound relevance is being threatened by prima donna actors (Edward Norton, Naomi Watts), his temperamental daughter (Emma Stone) and his own overblown ego.

Alejandro González Iñárritu has made a name for himself in Hollywood, directing weird, dark foreign movies that are nonetheless accessible for mainstream audiences, such as Amores Perros and 21 Grams. Birdman is Gonzalez’s first entirely English-language movie, and has gained quite a bit of publicity since debuting at the Venice International Film Festival in August. In many ways, this is a turn towards more conventional storytelling for the director, as he sacrifices his trademark epic, non-linear. intertwining  storylines for what is essentially a frequently darkly comic character study of Michael Keaton (Kinda).

That doesn’t mean Gonzalez doesn’t try to put his own personal fingerprint on this movie, because it has his heavily stylized fingerprint all over it. The usual orchestral score music one would find in most award-bait movies is replaced by some maniac frantically playing the shit out of his drums, even making several appearances throughout the movie itself. Instead of conventional film editing, that is, carefully selecting shots and arranging them into sequences to create a finished movie (Like a loser) Gonzalez decided to go the really strange route of, through extremely clever editing, making the entire movie look like it was filmed in one continuous take, with no noticeable separation between scenes. It’s weird. It’s unconventional. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before.

I FUCKING LOVE IT. 

The preceding sentence should always be read like Christian Bale’s Batman, for full effect.

The frantic pace of the music, editing (And the movie as a whole, really) really compliments the rest of the, relatively short, film perfectly. It’s very rare that the fact that a movie felt longer than its runtime is a compliment to the movie, but in this case, it absolutely is. This movie throws SO much stuff at you in its two hour runtime, which would get boring and/or exhausting if every. Single. Goddamn. Thing that happened on screen wasn’t so visually captivating, or if damn near every line of dialogue spouted by the fascinating characters wasn’t so interesting and/or intellectually stimulating.

I do mean that last sentence, by the way. As I was leaving the theatre, so many themes from the movie were swirling through my mind, and none of those themes felt tacked-on for dramatic effect. The dilemma of fame is brought up. The idea of staying relevant and the human desire for immortality is referenced abundantly. Blockbuster movies versus “high art” mediums too. Hell, even the usual theme of a parent-child relationship gone sour is fitted in among all this other stuff. And you know what? It’s all done fucking beautifully. As much as I loved 12 Years a Slave last year, and it was my favourite movie of 2013, and as much interesting things it had to say about the human condition, I can watch it maybe once every six months or so without getting horribly depressed and angry at humanity in general. What I’m getting at is: As great as 12 Years a Slave is, it doesn’t have very much immediate replay value. In fact, more often than not, I just want to put it out of my mind after watching it.

Right after watching the matinee showing of Birdman, I was fully prepared to pay full price for an evening ticket, just so I could analyze the movie’s themes again. The only thing that prevented me from doing so was the fact that I had already spent all my money on comic books by the time evening rolled around.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that I think that a movie about the harrowing conditions that slaves faced in the United States before the civil war wasn’t as interesting to me as a movie where this happens:

I think I’ll just go ahead and let the majesty of this image sink in.

Admit it, you can’t take your eyes off of Edward Norton’s bulge either. It’s okay, none of us can.

Good storytelling can go to shit without good characters, though. Thankfully, this movie delivers on that front as well. All of these main characters are written so well that by the end of the movie, I genuinely like each of them, and want to see everything go well for them, even when they’re being the biggest collection of dickbags on the planet (Which is often). Zach Galifianakis erases my memory of his crappy turn in Are You Here with a great performance as Riggan’s lawyer and best friend, while Naomi Watts is also great as a first-time Broadway actress trying desperately to make something of herself.

The three performances that seem to be attracting the most Oscar buzz, however, are those of Keaton as Riggan Thomson, Norton as a superbly talented, yet pompous asshole of a method actor who could make or break the play and Emma Stone. As much as I hate mindlessly conforming the the general consensus, I’ve gotta say that I agree with everybody else. They’re all fantastic, and I would be more than happy to see them nominated come January.

However, while Norton and Stone seem to be facing some very stiff competition from their peers, Michael Keaton is straight up eating the competition alive. It’s great to see Keaton back doing prominent work again (Not that he was dead in the water or anything, it’s just he wasn’t as big of a name as he was back when he was doing Batman), and even better to see him totally owning a role that is pretty obviously meant to be portrayed by him, even if it’s not always a portrayal that most would consider flattering. Needless to say, he absolutely kills it in this movie. Even if I do joke that it’s basically Michael Keaton playing Michael Keaton, he still disappears into the role and breathes life into what could have easily been a pretty phoned in performance. The only real competition that I’ve seen so far that can really stand toe-to-toe with him is Eddie Redmayne, but more on him later.

Overall: Watch this movie. Do it. Drop whatever you’re doing, drive to whatever independent theatre is showing it in your hometown, pay full price, and plunk your ass down in the theatre seat to watch it. I guarantee you will not regret it.

Rating: 10/10

The Norton-Bulge commands it!!!

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Movie Review)

Aww… I think somebody needs a hug!

It should come as no surprise to anybody who reads my blog semi-regularly (All three of you) that superheroes play an important part in my creative process. Hell, the second movie review I ever posted was a review of  Tim Burton’s Batman (Which is kinda dated, but still pretty good), and since then, I’ve reviewed Man of Steel (Which I regret giving a 7.5 to), the second Thor movie (Flawed and convoluted, but fun) and the new Captain America movie (Which is the best superhero movie since The Avengers). However, even with the release of those movies, and the upcoming releases later this year of the new X-Men movie and Guardians of the Galaxy, the superhero movie I’ve been most anxious to watch has been as you’ve probably guessed, because you’re obviously literate, The Amazing Spider-Man 2. 

Why, you ask? Because Spider-Man is my jam. I love Spider-Man.

When I was a little kid, my second-favourite movie after Lion King was Spider-Man 2. I watched the animated series religiously on DVD’s, and I still have my Spider-Man action figures (Read: Toys) and Spider-Man encyclopedia. When my friends graduated to Batman and Deadpool, I, well, I joined them, I guess, but I still see  Spider-Man as being my favourite superhero, and being my gateway into geekdom in general.

And into social awkwardness. Can’t forget that.

So, one week after its release, a friend and I muscled our way into a movie theater that was lousy with little  kids (A drawback to enjoying superhero movies) to watch the new Spidey flick. Admittedly, my expectations were considerably lower after glancing at the movie’s Rotten Tomatoes page, but I was at least expecting an improvement over the first Amazing Spider-Man (Which I liked, except for the Lizard), and most certainly an improvement over the steaming pile of shit that was Spider-Man 3.

It’s not exactly setting the bar high, but whatever.

  The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Directed by: Marc Webb

Produced by: Avi Arad, Matt Tolmach

Screenplay by: Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinkner, Alex Kurtzman

Story by: Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinkner, Alex Kurtzman, Jeff Vanderbilt

Based on: Spider-Man by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko

Genre: Superhero, Teen Drama

Starring: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Jamie Foxx, Dane DeHaan, Colm Feore, Paul Giamatti, Sally     Field, Campbell Scott

  Plot: Taking place after the events of The Amazing Spider-Man, high school graduate Peter Parker (Garfield) is continuing to fight crime as Spider-Man,   New York’s often under-appreciated super-powered protector.  While he protects the citizens of the Big Apple from schmucks like Russian mobster Aleksei Sytsevich (Giamatti), Peter also tries to maintain his relationship with the lovely valedictorian, Gwen Stacy (Stone), whose father (Denis Leary, who is seen and not heard, thankfully) was killed in a fight between Spider-Man and the Lizard in the first movie. Unfortunately, by dating Gwen, Peter is breaking the promise made to her father that he wouldn’t involve her in his life, as being Spider-Man endangers those he loves. Oops.

Although anybody who says they wouldn’t do the same thing in the same situation is a goddamn liar.

Not only that, but Peter also has to deal with Harry Osborn (DeHaan), a childhood friend of his who inherits the powerful pharmaceutical company OsCorp after his creepy, neglectful father Norman (Chris Cooper) is killed by the same terminal genetic disease that is starting to plague Harry. Further drama occurs when Spidey saves a poor, unfortunate soul by the name of Max Dillon (Foxx), an under-appreciated OsCorp engineer who becomes obsessed with Spider-Man, which is too bad for the web-head, as Dillon is involved in an accident that turns him into a being of electricity, which also apparently gives him schizophrenia.

Yeah, that hug I was offering earlier? Not gonna happen.

Most of the problems I have with this movie have to do with the way the plot is laid out. In fact, I’m noticing that ever since The Dark Knight changed up the game, some superhero movies that have no business being complicated are becoming convoluted and overblown for the sake of being convoluted and overblown. Dark Knight Rises, Man of Steel, The Wolverine, Thor: The Dark World and, to a lesser extent, Iron Man 3, Amazing Spider-Man and Captain America: The Winter Soldier all suffered from a plot that wandered all over the damn place and lost me for a bit. Unfortunately, Amazing Spider-Man 2 is no exception.

SPOILER ALERT

 The story-line that centers around Peter trying to discover the reason why his parents (Campbell Scott and Embeth Davidtz) left him with his aunt May (Field) and late uncle Ben (Martin Sheen in the previous movie) when he was little, takes up a ton of the film’s run-time, and is also the least important part of the movie. We get all this emotional buildup towards some huge revelation about the secrets that Peter’s father was trying to hide from OsCorp only to learn that, what, the huge pharmaceutical company led by the creepy guy did some shady dealings, so Parker Sr. left the country with his wife? Gee, thanks for telling us something we didn’t already know from the opening scene of the movie.

SPOILER END

I guess the revelations about the Parker family didn’t ruin the movie, though. I’ll give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt though, because I feel like they’re building up to something more in the upcoming movies. It’s hard not to feel cheated thoough, considering the large emphasis that the first movie placed on the truth about Peter’s father. Kind of makes you miss Sam Raimi’s trilogy, honestly.

…Oh…Never mind…

I also felt that the editing and pacing were kind of off balance, especially near the end. The ending goes on for about ten minutes longer than the point where it should’ve ended, which really threw me off. I guess the closing scene isn’t so bad on its’ own, and it did serve to deliver a message of hope or whatever, and as a set-up for the Sinister Six movie, but it could’ve been handled a bit better.

The big worry that most people had about this movie, however, was the fact that there are a whole bunch of villains in it, which many point to as the reason that Spider-Man 3 was such an atrocity. What I say to that is that while it’s done a lot better than that terrible, terrible movie, it still feels quite off. I dunno, I can’t really put my finger on it, but at least none of the characters felt shoehorned in like Venom was in SM3.

Though it ain’t no Dark Knight, that’s for sure.

Speaking of the villains, I’m pleased to announce that the two main villains in this movie, Electro and Harry Osborn, are both well portrayed by their respective actors (Veteran actor Jamie Foxx and up-and-comer Dane DeHaan, respectively). True, the characters themselves aren’t as smartly written as some of the other villains in the Spider-Man franchise (Alfred Molina’s Doc Ock, Willem DeFoe’s Green Goblin), but at least they’re better than Rhys Ifan’s Lizard (Who started off strong until he became a blob of CGI) and, again, miles better than any of the storied villains unfortunate enough to appear in Spider-Man 3.

Speaking of the actors, I already mentioned Foxx, who did a great job, and DeHaan, who appears to be reaching at times. Paul Giamatti is also in this movie, but he is barely used and mostly wasted as the Rhino. Sally Field is given a little bit more to do this time around as aunt May, which I approve of, and Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy continues to blow Kirsten Dunst’s Mary Jane out of the water. She and Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker save many of the romantic scenes (Of which there are about two to many), which tend to veer into eye-rollingly cheesy territory and which would be total disasters in the hands of actors with lesser chemistry then the real life couple of Garfield and Stone.

As for the whole “Andrew Garfield vs. Tobey Maguire” debate, I don’t really give a shit. Both are excellent Spider-Men, even if they have different takes on the character.

When it comes solely to the visual effects, this is the best Spidey movie to date. Instead of cluttering the movie and creating what feels like an artificial environment, the CGI really enhances the action scenes, and even more so with Hans Zimmer’s score playing in the background. There was some back-and-forth going on when the trailer was released about whether it looked too much like a Saturday morning cartoon, FX-wise, but Spider-Man stories have never been, nor should they ever look dark and moody like a neo-noir movie or whatever, so I’m really not bothered by it. I know these reboots are supposed to be a “darker and grittier” retelling of the Spider-Man story, but let’s face it, some things really don’t need to be Batman to be good.

Take note, Zach Snyder.

Conclusion: It’s disappointingly flawed and uneven, it wastes its villains, it’s too cheesy and it spends a bit too much time setting up the upcoming movies in the franchise, but The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is still a really damn enjoyable movie, thanks mainly to the fine performances and the great visual effects. They don’t make up for the convoluted plot and the other aforementioned drawbacks, but it’s still a really fun ride that is worth at least a rental.

Rating: 7/10

(Also, try to avoid seeing it when little kids are in the theatre. They’re just the worst in action movies.)

 

 

Razzie Movie Review: Movie 43 and my Golden Raspberry Award Picks

And to think that before today, I had to really think about it before deciding what was the worst movie I’d ever seen.

 Movie 43

Directed by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Produced by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Written by: Sadistic hacks who should have known better.

Genres: Sketch “Comedy”,  Gross-Out “Comedy”

Starring: Oh, my God, you guys didn’t have to do this. For fuck’s sake, some of you guys have  Oscar nominations. Hell, Halle Berry HAS a goddamn Oscar!

Razzie Nominations: Worst Screen Combo (Entire Cast), Worst Screenplay, Worst Actress (Berry), Worst Actress (Watts), Worst Director (All 13 Directors) Worst Picture

Plot: The different sketches that comprise this movie are part of a plot that involves a group of teenagers’ internet search for the fabled “Movie 43”, which is supposedly the most outrageous movie ever made. I understand that there’s another version of this sketch that stars Common and Dennis Quaid, but I’m sure I’m not missing that much.

The Catch: Beth (Kate Winslet) is a single businesswoman going on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), who is supposedly the city’s most high-profile bachelor. Everything seems to be going well until Davis takes off his scarf to reveal the pair of testicles hanging from his chin! And get this: Beth is the only one who seems to notice the testicles!

Improbably, this isn’t even the stupidest sketch in the whole fucking movie. I really wish it had just ended here, but alas…

Homeschooled: A newly moved-in couple (Alex Cranmer and Julie Ann Emery) have coffee with their new neighbours, Robert (Liev Schreiber) and Samantha (Naomi Watts). Rob and Samantha describe in detail their program of homeschooling their son (Jeremy Allen White). Bullying, hazing, detentions, and possible incest ensue.

The Proposition: Julie and Doug (Real-life married couple Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, respectively) have been in a happy relationship for over a year. However, when Doug is about to propose to her, she reveals that she wants him to poop on her. With the help of his friend (J.B. Smoove), Doug sets out to shit on his girl in the most romantic way possible.

At this point in the movie, I was seriously considering suicide. There would be many more suicidal thoughts over the next hour or so.

Veronica: Grocery store cashier Nate (Macaulay Culkin’s younger brother, Kieran) meets his ex-girlfrien Veronica (Emma Stone) at his job. Disturbing conversations ensue.

iBabe: Richard Gere discusses how to market the iBabe, which is like an iPod, but it’s a full-grown naked woman, and which is mangling the dicks of the teenage boys who inevitably try to fuck it, with his workers (Kate Bosworth, Aasif Mandvi, Jack McBrayer). It’s kind of hard to argue with the whole “Teenage boys fucking things they shouldn’t be fucking” theme, but this is still one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.

Superhero Speed Dating: I’m just gonna skip this one. Any problems with that? Cool.

Middleschool Date: Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloe Grace Moretz) are having a (Admittedly, pretty realistic) date at Nathan’s place when Amanda has her first period. I will never again watch Kick-Ass with the same sense of wonder.

Happy Birthday, Truth or Dare, Victory’s Glory: These are all garbage. Every single fucking one. Every fucking second of these pieces of shit.

Beezel: Whoever thought that this segment would be funny deserves to be dragged out into the street and shot. 

Acting: I usually like talking shit about movies, but this movie is just the most painful thing to dwell on. All the actors are atrocious, because most of them just don’t give a shit about this film.

Weirdly enough, the character I most identified was Chloe Grace Moretz’s character. Not because I’m a teenage girl having her first period, but because of her line “WILL YOU IDIOTS JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”, which is a line that I wish was screamed at the people who pitched this goddamn movie.

In short, there is nothing even remotely good about this movie. So, this piece of shit has the distinction of being the first movie to which I award the following rating.

Overall Rating: 0/10

***

So, I’m pleased to say that, for the first time ever, I’ve managed to watch all the Oscar-(And Razzie-) nominated money before their rating. Problem is, I haven’t had time to post a review in between school, homework, my job bitching about the Blue Jays, and, you know, actually watching the goddamn movies. So, while I’ve watched all the movies, the reviews are still gonna run a little late. I’m sure this would piss me off, but I’m getting pretty sick of these reviews.

Now, don’t worry loyal readers, the reviews are still. coming, and I’m gonna put ’em out as quick as possible. It’s just that I’m also gonna go back to also writing about baseball, music, and whatever else is on my mind.

Anyways, here are my picks for the 2014 Golden Raspberry Awards, from my first pick to my third pick (Any category that has an asterisk next to it is a category in which I didn’t watch most of the movies because they weren’t “Worst Picture” nominees. However, if one of the movies I didn’t see wins an award, I’ll make a point to add it to my upcoming reviews).

Worst Screenplay: 

1.  Movie 43. I judge comedy scripts on how funny they are (Obviously). This movie…. Was not funny.
2. After Earth. “Danger is real…Fear is a choice….” That about says it all.
3. Grown Ups 2. It’s post-Funny People Adam Sandler, so that should tell you all you need to know.

Worst Director:

1. The 13 People who who directed Movie 13. Brett Ratner is one of them, which seems about right.
2. M. Night Shyamalan (After Earth). Holy shit, it really has been 15 years since The Sixth Sense, huh?
3. Dennis Dugan (Grown Ups 2). Dennis, just stop. Please…Just..Stop.

 Worst Prequel, Rip-Off or Sequel*:

1. Grown Ups 2: It’s not like the original one was good, but it’s a bad sign when getting rid of Rob Schneider isn’t addition via subtraction.
2. The Lone Ranger: I dunno if it really sullied the original’s proud reputation of racism, but it still sucked.

Worst Screen Combo: 

1. Jaden and Will Smith (After Earth): You’d think a father/son combo would have a little more chemistry, but you’d be wrong.
2. The entire cast of Movie 43. I feel sorry for them, but they were still awful.
3. The entire cast of Grown Ups 2. Honestly, Nick Swardson drags this cast through the mud even more.

Worst Supporting Actress*: 

1. Salma Hayek (Grown Ups 2): She’s the only nominee I’ve seen, but she was still atrocious.

Worst Supporting Actor:

1. Nick Swardson (Grown Ups 2 and A Haunted House): I hate, hate, hate Nick Swardson. He’s a lock for a Razzie in whatever he’s in.
2. Will Smith (After Earth): I expect more from the Fresh Prince.
3. Taylor Lautner (Grown Ups 2): Though, if I must be honest, his karate moves were pretty badass.

Worst Actress*: 

1.  Naomi Watts (Movie 43 and Diana): Honestly, though, they could have picked any actress in that movie.
2. Tyler Perry (A Madea Christmas): What did I just see? What the FUCK did I just see?!?!

Worst Actor*:

1. Jaden Smith (After Earth): Holy shit Jaden, just stick to your terrible rap songs, okay?
2. Adam Sandler (Grown Ups 2) He wasn’t the worst actor in this movie, but still…

Worst Picture:

1. Movie 43
2. After Earth
3. Grown Ups 2