E3 Convention Part 1: The Games

Sorry for not having done a post in so long, faithful followers (All three of you!) but I’ve been somewhat busy being, y’know, a sixteen year old with other things to do. Also, I get killer writer’s block. Writer’s block this bad is what usually leads to crock like Sum 41`’s Underclass Hero or X-Men Origins: Wolverine  being produced.

“Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we use the one character whose entire premise is that he’s hilarious and can’t shut up, give him a couple of lines in the beginning of the movie, and then sew his goddamned mouth shut?”

“Sure why not? Comic book fans appreciate change, right?”

Seriously though, how fucking stupid was that scene?

Anyways, since I can’t think of anything to write in my letter to Ramon Ortiz, I decided to cover part of the E3 conference, since it’s especially interesting this year, as all three of the big video game developers (Microsoft, Nintendo and Sony) are releasing their so-called “Eighth Generation” consoles. I thought I’d give my two cents on the whole convention, specifically the consoles and some of the games that were presented.

Quick note: I currently have an Xbox 360 (which I love and use all the time) and a Nintendo Wii (which I love even more, yet use less). I also love pretty much any Nintendo game. Remember this bias when you read on. I am easily swayed by Italian plumbers and gay elves.

“This is the gay elf you meant, right?”

“Tell me again why I let you pick my photos.”

Also, these are only games I give two shits about.


Call Of Duty: Ghosts

Developer: Infinity Ward

Publisher: Activision Blizzard

Platforms: PC, PS3, PS4, Wii U, Xbox 360, Xbox One

Expected Release Date: November 5, 2013

Short Diagnosis:

  • Beautiful Graphics
  • Does this title mean Ghost from Modern Warfare 2 is back?
  •  How much you wanna bet that this game is gonna be the exact same as the last Call of Duty… And the last one…and the last one…

My Interest Level: 4/5 (Very Interested)


Developer: High Moon Studios

Publisher: Activision Blizzard

Platforms: PC/PS3/Xbox 360

Expected Release Date: June 25, 2013

  • Someone tell Gavin Hood that THIS is what Deadpool looks and sounds like.
  • The game will be rated M, so it will be Wade Wilson in his full, unedited glory.
  • Seriously, are they making the Deadpool movie, or no? Probably not. Fucking Fox probably won’t let them. One more reason why Marvel Studios should just reclaim all the rights.

Interest Level: 5/5 (Extremely Interested)

Never mind. Faith in Fox recovered.


Developer: Bungie (They kept working after Halo?)

Publisher: Activision Blizzard

Platforms: PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One

Expected Release Date: TBA 2014

  • The developers really seem to have taken the time to create a huge, creative universe. That seems to be a good sign. (Skyfall and such.)
  • As is looking typical with these next-gen games, it looks awesome.
  • I’m thinking the gameplay itself is a little too similar to Halo.

Interest Level: 3/5 (Interested)

The Elder Scrolls Online

Developer: ZeniMax Online Studios

Publisher: Bethesda Softworks

Platforms: PC/PS4/Xbox One

Expected Release Date: Spring 2014

  • Holyshitholyshitholyshit it’s another Elder Scrolls game!
  • Unlike Skyfall, this game is a multiplayer.
  •  I have the lingering suspicion that making it a multiplayer might dilute some of the greatness of Skyfall

Interest Level: 3/5 (Interested, because while I’m sure this game will be excellent, I’m not even done playing Skyfall)


Wolfenstein: The New Order

Developer: MachineGames

Publisher: Bethesda Softworks

Platforms: PC/PS3/PS4/Xbox 360/Xbox One

Expected Release Date: December 2013

I actually don`t know shit about the Wolfenstein franchise, but any game that involves killing Nazis in an alternate universe deserves at least some of my attention.

Interest Level: 2.5/5 (Mildly Interested)


Battlefield 4

Developer: EA Digital Illusions CE

Publisher: EA

Platforms: PC/PS3/PS4/Xbox 360/Xbox One

Expected Release Date: October 29, 2013

  • I used to defend Call of Duty against Battlefield fanboys. I think I might be overdue for a conversion. This looks even better than the new COD game.
  • I’ve said it before in this article and I will say it again: The graphics are fucking gorgeous.
  • I have no real doubts other than the fact that I can’t play Battlefield to save my life.

Interest Level: 4.5/5 (Very, very interested)


Assorted EA Sports Games

Move along folks, nothing new to see here.


Star Wars: Battlefront (Holy Shit. Yes.) 

Developer: EA Digital Illusions CE

Publisher: EA, LucasArts

Platforms: PC/PS4/Xbox One

Expected Release Date: TBA

No real details have been released, yet, but holy crap, they better make this happen!!!

Interest Level: 5/5


Untitled Halo Game 

Developer: 343 Industries

Publisher: Microsoft Studios

Platforms: Xbox One

Expected Release Date: 2014

I’ve never been a huge Halo fan, but what better time then now to convert? On the other hand…


This looks like a piece of shit.

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze

Developer: Retro Studios

Publisher: Nintendo

Platform: Wii U

Expected Release Date: November 2013

I haven’t played Donkey Kong Country Returns yet, but I’m almost always down for Nintendo platformers. You know, as long as they don’t include too much crying Baby Marios.

People who discourage child abuse have obviously never had this happen to them.

Interest Level: 3/5


The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Two Worlds

Developer: Nintendo EAD

Publisher: Nintendo

Platform: Nintendo 3DS

A sequel to A Link to the Past, A Link Between Two Worlds carries on the Zelda franchise’s proud tradition of using their protagonist’s name as a way of getting around actually having to think of an original title. (Also, I realized that I don’t know enough about these E3 games to come up with 3 points about them, so as of  four entries ago, the format has changed.)

Interest Level: 2.5/5


The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker HD

Developer: Nintendo EAD

Publisher: Nintendo

Platform: Wii U

I think I just got a tear in my eye. I can still remember diving into the land of Hyrule for the first time with this game at the tender age  of 6…. Also, not understanding what the fuck I was supposed to do. Because, you know, I was six.

This game has since become my favourite from the Nintendo Gamecube. You know, aside from the sailing, which was tedious as all hell.

That said, I have no reason at all to buy this “enhanced” version. Next.

Is it any wonder I’m distrustful of enhanced versions?

Interest Level: 1/5


Mario Kart 8

Developer: Nintendo EAD

Publisher: Nintendo

Platform: Wii U

Just another excuse to be uber-competitive and say horrifying things that no person should say to another human being and reduce my friends and family to tears? Fuck yes.

As if we didn’t have enough of those.


Interest Level: 5/5


Pikmin 3

Developer: Nintendo EAD

Publisher: Nintendo

Platform: Wii U

Great! Another entry in the Pikmin  franchise to say I’ve played!

Interest Level: 2/5


Pokemon X and Y

Developer: Game Freak

Publisher: Nintendo, The Pokemon Company

Platform: 3DS

Oh c’mon..More fucking Pokemon? What I wouldn’t give for the days when just 150 was enough. Also, what in the fuck is this?

Xerneas? We’re naming them after Greek gods now? No more original names? Fuck this, I`m out.

Interest Level: 2/5


Well, this was a disappointing article huh?  Writer’s block will do that to you.

Anyways, check in tomorrow for a conclusion of my E3 review.

(Again real sorry about this shitty article.)