The (Belated) Obligatory New Year Post

Happy 2014, everybody! I hope all your hangovers have cleared up by now!

2013 was a, well, let’s say an interesting year. From Syria to Rob Ford to Miley Cyrus to the NSA, it seemed like there was never a dull moment.

There were, however, several horrifying and confusing ones.

How did I spend my New Years’ Eve, you ask? Did I spend New Year’s Eve in Cuba, welcoming 2014 with a back massage on some idyllic paradise of a resort? Or did I go to some gathering with my family? Or, considering that I’m a wild and crazy seventeen year old kid, did I go to some house party, chug copious amounts of alcohol, pot and/or ecstasy before puking up my guts and passing out shortly after grinding a lamppost in front of all my friends? No. None of these. Especially not the last one.

“Man, you’re justa….just-…just a fuckin’ hater, man…’

I spent New Years Eve finishing off yesterday’s post  and watching Animaniacs reruns. I maintain that there is no better way to spend New Years Eve.

On an unrelated note, Rule 34 is a bitch when you’re just trying to find a goddamn Animaniacs logo. It’s a sick, sick world.

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, because I’ve always seen them as setting yourself up for failure. Especially for a slacker who’s all set to congratulate himself for waking up in the morning without suffocating himself on his pillow.

Pillows: Soft and downy, yet, brutal and efficient.

Nonetheless, I did make myself a short list of resolutions to try to commit to in 2014. They are as follows:

  1. Be less socially awkward. It’s kind of general and boring, I know, but there are only so much times one can tolerate being wished a Happy New Year and impulsively responding with “Thanks! I hope you don’t get cancer and die this year!”
  2. Learn Portuguese and German. I already speak English (Duh), Spanish (Thanks to my Salvadoran-Canadian upbringing) and French (Thanks to the Edmonton Public School’s French Immersion program). However, I’ve always wanted to learn more languages, if for no other reason than to be able to communicate with locals during my future international book tours. Honestly though, I really want to actually learn more languages. Portuguese, because it’s a good starting point, being so similar to Spanish, and German, because I heard before I started to learn it that it’s extremely similar to English. Whoever told me that is a dirty liar.
  3. Maintain an “A” average (80%). It’s currently hovering around the high seventies.
  4. Get through the giant-ass pile of books on my desk that has been there since last Christmas. The sad thing is, most of them are Spider-Man comics.
  5. Do at least one hundred blog posts this year. Recently, I’ve been pretty damn inconsistent when it comes to blogging, which is a shame, because I really love doing it and want to write as a career eventually. So this year, I want to do at least one hundred posts (This would be my second one), and hopefully, hone my abilities so I don’t have to rely on a snarky pop culture-related caption to get a cheap laugh.

Bieber. Douchebag. Stupid. Funny. You laugh now.

For now, though, I wish everyone a Happy 2014.

I hope none of you get cancer and die this year.

Top 10 Movie and TV Anti-Heroes Part 2: 7 and 6 (SPOILERS AHEAD)

(This is a continuation of this post.)

7. Tony Montana 

Appearances: Scarface

Created By: Oliver Stone

Portrayed By: Al Pacino

Real Name: Antonio Montana

Occupation: Former assassin, former sandwich maker, drug kingpin

No-Kill Policy?: Nope. Just don’t ask him to kill kids.

A cautionary tale for anybody planning to start a drug empire, Cuban ex-pat Tony Montana was one of 125 000 Cuban refugees who arrived in Miami during the infamous Mariel Boatlift (During which not only refugees who wanted to leave Cuba, but also hardened criminals were allowed to leave Cuba for Miami). He is sent to a refugee camp, but is released into Miami, Green Card in hand, after assassinating a former Cuban government official  for Miami drug lord Frank Lopez. The ambitious and ruthless Montana then begins a crime spree that will take him to the top of the Miami food chain (Of cocaine!)

At the bottom of the food chain? The cock-a-roaches, of course.

Al Pacino’s wonderful performance just elevated the audience’s enjoyment of the coke-addicted kingpin.With Pacino’s almost cartoonish Cuban accent, everything is just so damn QUOTABLE. Seriously, watch any fifteen minutes of Scarface and you’ll come away with whole paragraphs of the most wonderful dialogue. The movie may be almost three hours long, but just watching Tony Montana go about his antics is totally worth it, so much that even though he is a terrible human being, you end up rooting for him right until he ends up floating face-down in front of his “The World of Yours” statue.

6. Tyler Durden

Appearance: Fight Club 

Created By: Chuck Palahniuk

Portrayed By: Brad Pitt

Real Name: N/A

Occupation: Waiter, Soap maker, camera-man, revolutionary

 Fight Club has been possibly the biggest mindfuck of a movie that I have ever seen. Off the top of my head,  the only other movies that even come close to equaling the shock I felt while watching were The Sixth Sense and maybe Shutter Island, although the latter twist ending felt like more of a cop out, but I digress.

In Fight Club, a depressed, unmotivated and unnamed narrator (Played by Edward Norton) becomes incredibly bored with his  yuppie, white-collar lifestyle. However, that all  changes when he meets Tyler Durden, an incredibly charismatic, yet eccentric gutter punk who works several jobs, harming customers and sabotaging the various industries he works in. The two move in together and start a “Fight Club”, where ordinary, dissatisfied men got together to beat the shit out of each other, and occasionally commit sabotage against corporations and consumer society in general.

And sell… let’s call it “All-Organic” soap.

Tyler Durden may be insane, but he speaks a lot of truth. The extremely drastic lengths that he goes to to ensure that society are really not so much to hurt people, but to make people see how weak they have become thanks to the rampant commercialism that we see every day, and the consumer society that we have willfully lulled ourselves into becoming. He’s still crazy, obviously, but the best antagonists are the ones that we sort of agree with, and Tyler is no exception.


 I should have more posts up soon, since I’m on Christmas Break right now and want to get back into blogging regularly. It’s amazing how much time a part-time job takes up.