One Lovely Blog Award

award

These adorable award logos are kind of messing with my snarky captions.

So, if these minor WordPress blog awards were Oscar Awards, I would have three nominations. That would put me on par with Kirk Douglas, Johnny Depp, Nicole Kidman, Clark Gable, Joan Fontaine, Faye Dunaway, Russell Crowe, Joan Crawford, Humphrey Bogart and Julie Andrews, among others. I would also have more nominations than Vivien Leigh and Hilary Swank.

What you should take away from this is that I’m more talented than Vivien Leigh and Hilary Swank.

How d’ya like that Leigh?!? You fucking hack!!!

Anyway, as you might have guessed, I’ve been nominated for another award, specifically, the One Lovely Blog Award. This time though, I was nominated by Aneta, whose site is really great. You should go ahead and check it out right away. I mean it. Come right back right after though, I need those sweet, sweet likes to boost my sense of self-worth.

Anywho, this award functions almost the same as my last two awards, except whoever’s nominated gets to choose the stuff about themselves that they want to reveal, which is awesome, because that means that I get to cover up the fact that I’m not good at asking people who are essentially strangers questions about themselves.

I still gotta nominate some people though,so here are my nominees:

They’re all amazing sites, and you should check them out, right after you read my random word vomit.

And now, seven random facts about myself! Do you dare to gaze into the mind of a guy who is so insecure that he felt the need to insult Vivian Leigh a few paragraphs ago for no discernible reason? Great! Let’s go!

  • Aside from movies, TV and the like, I really love video games, even if I don’t play them as much as I’d like, to, because it comes down to either buying the games I want, or buying textbooks for school, which, cumulatively, dwarf the price of most yachts. My favourite company is Nintendo (You know, the correct choice), my favourite console is the GameCube, and my favourite game is The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, though right now, I’m digging the shit out of the Wii port of the Metroid Prime Trilogy.

And yet, Hitman: Agent 47 is the video game movie release of the year. Bullshit.

  • I am trilingual. I learnt English from my mom (Who is Canadian) and Spanish from my dad (Who is Salvadoran) simultaneously when I was little, and I went to a French Immersion school. As if that wasn’t enough, I’m taking a Japanese course at school right now.

あなたはリーということはどのように好きです! ? !塔はクソハック!

  • I’m an enormous baseball fan. I’m watching the Toronto Blue Jays and the New York FuckFaces play as I type this. My favourite team is the Blue Jays by far, and my favourite players are Roy Halladay, Jose Bautista, Josh Donaldson, Russell Martin, Roberto Osuna, Bryce Harper, Joey Votto, Clayton Kershaw, Jose Reyes, Troy Tulowitzki, Miguel Cabrera, Marcus Stroman, David Price and Edwin Encarnacion. My least favourite teams are the New York Yankees (As you may have guessed), Boston Red Sox (Have fun in last place!!!), Baltimore Orioles (Bye bye, ShitBirds!) and Kansas City Royals (Ned Yost can go fuck himself).
  • I hate the word “blog.” Ironic, I know, but I just really don’t like how it sounds, and I try never to type the word if I can help it.
  • HA! RUSSELL MARTIN JUST HIT A THREE-RUN HOMER! FUCK YOU, YANKEES, AND FUCK THE JOKE STADIUM YOU DIRTBAGS PLAY IN!!!
  • Sorry about that. I have two cats, Figaro and Pacun, who I’ve had since I was in kindergarten. Our relationship best resembles that of a bunch of longtime roommates who love each other, but have long grown sick of one another. Much to their chagrin, my family got a dog two years ago, a Labrador/mastiff/pit-bull mix named Rocky. He is fucking adorable.
  • My least favourite actor is Nick Swardson. I can’t fucking stand Nick Swardson.
  • I hate deep water. Hate it. HATE. IT. I don’t care if I never learn to swim, because I’m making a point to avoid any amount of water that I could potentially kill me. Fuck water, fuck swimmers, fuck the Yankees and, most of all, fuck Vivien Leigh.

The Liebster Award

Hey, Columbia University! I’m still waiting on my Pulitzer, you hacks!

The last few days have mostly been spent getting acclimated to university, with no time to do any real creative work. Thankfully, I was nominated for another award by the Bookidote, making them single-handedly responsible for the swelling of my ego that will inevitably lead to my desire for conquest and intolerance for any form of disagreement or dissent.

For nominating me for a cute blogging award…. They shall all know DOOM!!!

Unlike the Sunshine Blogger Award, though, the Liebster Award is intended for blogs with less than 500 followers. Each nominee needs to nominate other bloggers for the award and create eleven questions for their nominees to answer, whilst answering eleven questions posed by whoever asked

Here are my nominees. They are all awesome, and you should check them out:

And now, here are my questions (Yes, they ,might be kinda  lame, but keep in mind that taking an interest in other people is one of the hardest things for me to do):

  1. Who’s better, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?
  2. What was/is your favourite class in school?
  3. What was/is your least favourite class in school (I’m nailing this shit).
  4. What’s your biggest phobia?
  5. Kim Davis sucks, amirite?
  6. What’s your favourite TV show theme song?
  7. What did you love when you were a kid that hasn’t aged well at all?
  8. What is a country that you haven’t been to that you’ve always wanted to visit?
  9. What historical figure would you fight if you had the chance?
  10. What’s one thing everybody hates that you like?
  11. What animal would you most want as a pet? Don’t’ screw me over with an actual pet, say something interesting.

Thank god that’s over. Having to think of interesting questions to ask instead of answering questions about me absolutely drains me. Now, on to Bookidote’s questions!

Who’s your favourite actor? 

Leonardo DiCaprio is my favourite actor, and it’s not even particularly close. My favorite performance of his is in Django Unchained. The fact that the Academy will even consider nominating Boyhood for Best Picture and will balk at the chance to nominate him for Best Supporting Actor in Django is a goddamned travesty.

He said, unrepentantly while watching a documentary on the humanitarian crisis in Syrian Refugee camps.

If time froze for 15 minutes and you could move around, what would you do?

Probably cry. And then arrange anybody in my immediate vicinity into funny and/or anatomically impossible positions.

If you could fight with anyone (even deceased people), who would you fight?

Christopher Columbus. Oh, the things I’d do to try to put that genocidal little shit in the ground.

Look at this smarmy motherfucker. I’ll total him Ronda Rousey style!

Would you rather kill an innocent person or have a killer as a son?

… Goddamit, I was hoping not to have to think too deeply for this post.

Uh… Shit I have no idea. Probably the second one, if only because the definition of “killer” could be debated…. Maybe?

What got you to start a blog?

I really got into movies and entertaining movie reviews when I was sixteen years old, but I didn’t want to do YouTube reviews like the people I was watching, because I didn’t (And still don’t, really) want to broadcast my actual face on the internet. I figured it would be easier on my limited technological skills to start a website (Well, not really, but I’m slowly starting to despise the word “blog”). It didn’t hurt that I was doing really well in English class at that point, so that filled me with unwarranted self-confidence too.

If you were to lose one of your five senses, which one would it be? Why?

I heard somewhere that the sense of taste is just an offshoot of the sense of smell, so if that is in fact the case, I would have to choose the sense of touch, which would be really unfortunate. If not, then sense of smell, for sure, and it’s not even that close.

Career-wise, where do you see yourself in five years?

Well, in five years exactly, I’ll be going on twenty-four, so I wouldn’t say I’m that ambitious, but I hope that, if I haven’t found a way to make money off of PKtM yet (Though that is the plan, at some point) I’ll be working, preferably in a field that puts the journalism degree that I will have earned by then to use, although I’d take working at the local library in a goddamned second.

If all books were to be burned, what one book would you memorize to immortalize it?

I would not do this. Instead, I would opt to tell whoever is coming to take my books to eat a bag of dicks.

… Although if I have to answer this, and I can’t count the Chaos Walking trilogy as one book, then I would probably say A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness.

And if you haven’t read A Monster Calls yet… What the hell’s your excuse?

If you could be in the middle of a movie, what movie would it be?

Assuming I get to be a wizard at Hogwarts, one of the early Harry Potter movies, i.e. one of the episodes where it’s just Harry who gets put in perilous situations and not the entire student body, like in the last four movies.

“Look Potter, I know you need help with the basilisk situation, but I don’t see how a giant, murderous snake living in a secret chamber of the basement of my school affects me in any way, so…. Good luck with that.”

What’s your definition of success?

It’s directly proportionate to how much of an altered state you’re in at the moment.

Seen here: The most successful man on the planet.

Just kidding. The question of someone being successful can be answered using the following questionnaire that I’ve made up just now.

Question 1: Are you happy with your life right now? If no, then you are not successful. 

Question 2: Are you, though? If no, then you are not successful. 

Question 3: Have you gained happiness through the exploitation and mistreatment of others? If no, you are successful. If yes, you are merely an asshole. 

What would you add to your everyday life to make yourself a better person?

Probably a sense of humility and the slightest modicum of empathy for human life. If you give me a choice between those things and a ticket to the Star Wars: The Force Awakens premiere though…. It’s not a tough decision for me to make.

Sunshine Blogger Award

sunshine-blogger

“The Sunshine Blogger Award: Face-meltingly adorable!” -Suggested tagline.

Since I can’t be arsed to go to that goddamned ridiculous-looking Hitman: Agent 47 or the newest addition to the creative wasteland that is the horror genre (Sinister 2: The Obnoxious Jumpscares Strike Back), I found myself lost for new content to post this week and weekend that isn’t just a continuation of my Who the Fuck…???  series. If you’re familiar with my style, that’s not good news, as it means that the time that i spend trying to do something creative will inevitably devolve into me falling down into a rabbit hole at tvtropes.com.

Although I now know more about the Three Faces of Eve than any human being should.

Thankfully, my ass was saved by the good people at Bookidote nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award, which, to paraphrase, is an award that one is supposed to pass on to those who: put a little sunshine in your day, who are positive, creative, and inspiring. Considering that I suggested in my Fantastic Four review that anybody who had a problem with Johnny Storm being black submit themselves to euthanasia, I don’t know if  those three adjectives are the best descriptors, but nonetheless, I’m still extremely appreciative. I highly suggest you check out Bookidote the next chance you get, because I gotta say, it’s a pretty chill site.

Anyhoo, I’m supposed to answer eleven questions, then nominate a few more people and ask a new set of eleven questions. Since talking about myself is by far my favourite thing in the world to do, I’ll save that for last and get my nominations out of the way first.

  • The fine folks down at Assholes Watching Movies.
  • Sarah Johansson, the mad genius at Problems With Infinity.
  • Filmmunch, a great site that I don’t read nearly as much as I should.
  • Polar Bears Watch TV, who is probably not an actual polar bear, but I enjoy the mental image of a computer-savvy polar bear, so I will keep picturing that in my head.
  • I can’t nominate Bookidote, cuz they nominated me, but you really should check them out.

My questions are:

  1. What movie would you erase from existence if you could?
  2. Who’s the most famous person you’ve ever met?
  3. Who’s the most punchable fictional character ever?
  4. What’s the last thing you ate?
  5. Favourite book-to-film adaptation?
  6. Which movie genre would you erase from existence if you could?
  7. What’s your favourite film score?
  8. Uhh…. What’s your least favourite book-to-film adaptation?
  9. Will there ever be a video game movie that doesn’t make the audience wanna shove shards of glass into their eyes?
  10. What’s the last book you’ve read cover-to-cover, and when did you read it?
  11. If you could speak to Donald Trump right this instant, what would you say to him?

Wooo! I got all that “thinking” shit out of the way. Now to blab nonstop about myself!

It’s truly a wonder I’m single.

What book you wish you can just go back and never read it ?

 The Girl with the Pearl Earring. I hate that book. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I had to do a report on it in tenth grade, and my teacher (Who, incidentally, is a fan of the book) liked my intelligent, thought-out (Ha!) analysis so much that I got a one-hundred percent. That’s right, my writing ability peaked at age sixteen.

…Ladies…

Are you where you wanted to be at this stage in your life?

 That’s… Surprisingly heavy. Okay then.

I’d say I’m pretty happy with my life right now. I’m eighteen, I don’t pay rent, I’m going to a good university in the fall, and I have a part-time job where I can choose the hours and can make $150+ in a week that’s doesn’t involve dealing pot. I’d say that makes up for the self-destructive god complex and intense sociopathy.

If you can choose to live in fictional place, where would that be ? (from any book, comic or movie)

 I’m letting my millenial-ness show here, but I want to live at Hogwarts. Sure, the annual monster attacks would get tedious after a while, but I can cower behind large objects well enough, I think I’d be fine.

Admittedly, Emma Watson is the main draw.

Shit, if Ron had a chance….

Worst nickname that someone has given you? 

Uhhh….. Well, that’s tough, because answering this would involve revealing my real name, and I’m not going to do that. However, I was called a “SJW cocksucker” by some waste of oxygen who commented on my Fantastic Four review, so…. there’s that.

I’m not bringing much in the “sunshine” department, am I? Sorry about that. Here, you’ve made it this far, you guys deserve a treat. Look, puppies or whatever!

The one on the left looks strangely pissed, doesn’t he?

Any guilty pleasure ?

 Oh, dude, so much.

Off the top of my head, Van Wilder comes to mind. If it wasn’t for Ryan Reynolds, I would hate this movie, but, well, Ryan Reynolds is in it, and as I mentioned in my Blade: Trinity review a million years ago, he immediately elevates the shitty movies he’s in, which, unfortunately, is most of the movies he’s in.

Fun fact: The Deadpool plot is just Deadpool murdering Ryan Reynolds’ agent over and over for two and a half hours.

 I also really love RWBY. For those of you not in-tune with YouTube culture, RWBY (Pronounced “Ruby”) is an anime-inspired web series where four conveniently colour-coded teenage girls who attend Anime Hogwarts use their superpowers to defend humanity from Jessica Nigri. It’s very strange, and during the first season, the dialogue is… Um… I don’t want to be too mean, because the creator and writer, the great Monty Oum, actually died recently and that bums me out, but… It’s pretty crappy. And as awesome as the soundtrack is, the lyrics really shouldn’t read like they were translated from Japanese using Google Translate when they were originally written in English.

The action and animation is legitimately good (Usually) though, and the characters are likable enough. Everything actually picks up during the second season, and the people involved say that a third one’s coming, even after Monty Oum’s passing. I’m on board, I guess, but if you want to stay far away at all times… I get it.

Sure, these outfits are horribly impractical for fighting monsters, but look at it this way: They’re more appropriately dressed than Bryce Dallas Howard in Jurassic World!

Any secret talents?

 I’m perfectly mediocre at guitar, and I’m actually pretty damn good at baseball. I seriously think that I could’ve been drafted if I lived in the States and not in the baseball dead zone that is Edmonton, Alberta (Though when I was little, I was planning at one point to attend St. Francis Xavier Academy for the purpose of playing baseball. Knowing my current aversion to both over-competitive douchebags and religion, that probably would not have ended well). I probably wouldn’t have gone higher than maybe AA, but hey, that would still make me the third best baseball player to come out of Alberta after flash-in-the-pan Milwaukee Brewers closer Jim Henderson and AAAA journeyman pitcher Mike Johnson, who I actually met once at a baseball camp, where he was the outfield instructor… For some reason.

What kind of music are you listening to? 

My favourite band of all time, for nostalgic purposes is The Offspring (My favourite song of theirs is “You’re Gonna go Far Kid”), and I do love them a lot, but I think my less nostalgia-tinted favourite is probably Rise Against (“Prayer of the Refugee”). Other artists that I love (And my respective favourite song of theirs) are: Green Day (“Basket Case”), Blink-182 (“Dammit”), My Chemical Romance (“Welcome to the Black Parade), Eminem (“When I’m Gone”), Ninja Sex Party (“Dinosaur Laser Fight”), Against Me! (“White People For Peace”), Alkaline Trio (“Help Me”), Bad Religion (“American Jesus”), Ramones (“I Wanna Be Sedated”), Sex Pistols (“Anarchy in the U.K.”), Dead Kennedys (“Halloween”), Black Flag (“Nervous Breakdown”), the Wonder Years (“Cigarettes & Saints” is probably the song I’m listening to most these days), No Use for a Name (“For Fiona”), Lorde (“Team”), Billy Talent (“Cure for the Enemy”), Anti-Flag (“The Press Corpse”), the Beatles (“Helter Skelter”), the Clash (“White Riot”), Bob Dylan (“The Ballad of Hollis Brown”), Bruce Springsteen (“Born to Run”), the Circle Jerks (“Live Fast Die Young”), David Bowie (“Changes”), Descendents (“Suburban Home”), Face to Face (“Blind”), Foo Fighters (“Everlong”), the Gaslight Anthem (“Get Hurt”), Gerard Way (“How it’s Going to Be”), Jello Biafra (“Attack of the Peacekeepers”), Linkin Park (“Bleed it Out”), The Mr. T Experience (“Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend”), Nirvana (“Molly’s Lips”), NoFX (“Franco Un-American”), Rancid (“Ruby Soho”), Red Hot Chili Peppers (“Dani California”), Starbomb (“The Book of Nook”), Sum 41 (“No Reason”), Weezer (“No One Else”), and +44 (“No, it Isn’t”).

And that, dear readers, is how you pump up the word count through no effort whatsoever!

Favourite book of all time ? 

I can’t pick one out of the three, because I love them all equally, but my favourite trilogy of books is the Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness (The Knife of Never Letting Go,The Ask and the Answer and Monsters of Men). I don’t want to get into the plot, because that would mean instant spoilers, but I will say that everybody needs to read this book right now. Like, right now. Your menial bullshit can wait, this book NEEDS to be the best-selling book of all time.

Favourite quote ?

“Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s AIDS.”

-A Cards Against Humanity card I once played.

And now, for the quote that doesn’t out me as a horrible person!

“So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day.”

Marge Gunderson, Fargo

Morning person or night owl?

If anybody wakes me up before I’m good and ready, they go in the hole with that girl in Silence of the Lambs.

Tell me about one of your hobbies.

Amiibos.

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Motherfucking amiibos.

For those of you who lead productive lives, amiibos are figurines that Nintendo, the world’s most lovable soulless corporation, made as an accessory to the latest Super Smash Bros. game, which is essentially, a fighting game starring Nintendo’s all-stars.

As well as Sonic the Hedgehog, who hasn’t been relevant since 2006.

The figurines didn’t interest me all that much, as it just struck me as a Nintendo marketing gimmick. They are nice figures, though, so I decided to just buy the ones for my favourite characters, Yoshi, Samus Aran, Pikachu, Sheik, Link…. And Mario, because it’s Mario, Luigi, because I like Luigi better than Luigi…. And Donkey Kong…. And Kirby…..And Princess Zelda….And Princess Peach…. And Bowser…. And Sonic…. And Diddy Kong…. And the Disney Channel version of Link…. And Pac-Man…And Mega Man… And another version of Yoshi…. And Toad…. And Silver Mario…. And a Fox amiibo that’s still in its Japanese packaging… Anyways, $350+ dollars later, I think I’m over the addiction. It’s not like they’re coming out with a new wave of characters that I would kill infants fo-

So long Junior, daddy needs a Zero Suit Samus amiibo.

New About Me Page/Contact Info

So, after reading through my “About Me” page, I decided I kind of hated it. So, I revamped it. Here’s the link. 

Also, after long debate, I decided to launch a couple of probes into the scary world of social media.

My e-mail address is pleasekillthemessenger@gmail.com

My Twitter handle is @KRollinsPKtM

Do with this information what you will. I’d highly appreciate any follows, though.