Category Archives: Uncategorized

Quote of the Day- November 25, 2015

“And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.”
— Isaiah 2:4

Something for all you God-Fearing Folks out there to reflect on when you’re screaming for governments to murder all muslims. 

Who the F*** is That?!?!- Deadpool (Part 3 of 3)

Featured image

Upon seeing this image, the fact that his very next mission is to murder the zombies of the dead presidents makes a lot more sense.

Man, I hope Marvel decides to release that Captain America: Civil War trailer sometime soon. I might have to, you know, exhibit the most basic sense of creativity one of these days.

I do like doing these though, so whatever. That Deathmatch that I’ve been teasing on-and-off since late last year may have to take a backseat to this… As opposed to, y’know, taking a backseat to everything else I’ve been doing since December.

Anywho, parts 1 and 2 can be found here and here, respectively. Part 1 of the Suicide Squad series that I did earlier this summer can be found here.

Enough shameless self-promotion! Let’s get on with it!

Jack Hammer/Weasel 

“Jack Hammer” feels like an alter ego that’s kind of wasted on somebody with no hammer-based powers.

First appearance: Deadpool: The Circle Chave #1 (August 1993)

Created by: Fabian Nicieza, Joe Madureira

Portrayed by: T.J. Miler (Silicon Valley, Cloverfield, How to Train Your Dragon, Big Hero 6)

Other Portrayals: Cam Clarke (Marvel: Ultimate Alliance)

Jack Hammer was a highly intelligent high school student attending Midtown High, the same high school as Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man, and Gwen Stacy, who he had a huge unrequited crush on. Hammer was competing with Peter for a prestigious internship under the wing of Norman Osborn (No, I’m not explaining who that is, you’ve seen the movies, goddamnit). His life went off the rails after he met a time travelling Deadpool, who was disguised as Peter Parker, for some reason. Trying to get him to loosen up (And manipulating him into fixing his teleportation belt), Deadpool took Hammer, whose destiny he was well aware of, on a drinking binge and, still disguised as Peter, relayed false information to Osborn about Hammer being a drug addict. Nice guy.

Charming.

Depressed and a budding alcoholic, Hammer turned to a life of crime, adopting the identity of “Weasel” and becoming an information broker and arms dealer for mercenaries and criminals. It was through this occupation that Weasel knowingly first met Deadpool. The two became fast friends, with Weasel loyally accompanying Deadpool on his adventures.

❤

Mind you, “loyally” might be too strong an adjective. While Weasel may have been Deadpool’s best friend (Besides Blind Al), he also had an opportunistic streak a mile long. On multiple occasions, Weasel looked like he was considering leaving Deadpool mid-battle, before Deadpool inevitably coaxed him back using some combination of sweet-talking, bullying and the promise of a subscription to the Playboy channel. While he did leave Deadpool after the latter stuffed Blind Al in the Box, he came back to the Regeneratin’ Degenerate, helping him out on his path to redemption. He later left Deadpool for good though, becoming an armoured hero named “The House” based in Las Vegas.

Tempted by that sweet, sweet green, Weasel agrees to fight Deadpool in return for funding from the local casinos, and, after a long series of double crosses, Deadpool defeated Weasel and locked him in the Box.

I had my shot, and I took it. Future generations may judge me for it, but they can all go fuck themselves. I made that joke, now I look forward to living with it.

Weasel was broken out of the Box by somebody named Macho Gomez, who I can’t possibly be arsed to look up. Joining a group of people dedicated to taking down Deadpool, the ensuing battle leads to one of my favourite Deadpool lines:

Weasel: Stupid, stupid, stupid–I never shoulda come here! Deadpool’s gonna do somethin’ horrible to me, I know it!

Deadpool: Hey, Weasel! Come over here so I can do something horrible to you!

The supervillains defeat Deadpool, but being Deadpool, he doesn’t stay down for long, ad Deadpool, apparently tired of Weasel’s flip-flopping, tracked him down and killed him.

I like Bob, Agent of H.Y.D.R.A. better anyways.

Aside from the title character and maybe Blind Al, Weasel appears to be the most comic-faithful character adaptation, at least as far as his appearance of the trailer is concerned, in which he has a pretty hilarious back-and-forth with Deadpool.

Weasel: Motherfucker, you are hard to look at! 

Deadpool: Like a testicle with teeth. 

Weasel: You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah!

Deadpool: (Smacks table) Exactly!

Yeah, we’re in good hands here.

… I think.

Piotr Rasputin/Colossus

Colossus (Piotr Rasputin) 009

It is impossible to see this image without having “The Internationale” play in your head immediately thereafter.

First appearance: Giant-Size X-Men #1 (May 1975)

Created by: Len Wein, Dave Cockrum

Portrayed by: Andre Tricoteux (Stunt performer)

Other portrayals: John Stephenson (Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends), Dan Gilvezan (Pryde of the X-Men), Rick Bennett (X-Men: The Animated Series), Robert Cait (X-Men: The Animated Series), Michael Adamthwaite (X-Men: Evolution), Nolan North (Wolverine and the X-Men), Tom Kenny (The Super Hero Squad Show), Daniel Cudmore (X2, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men: Days of Future Past), Christopher Corey Smith (X2: Wolverine’s Revenge), Earl Boen (X-Men Legends), Jim Ward (X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse), Brad Abrell (X-Men: The Official Game), Phil LaMarr (Marvel: Ultimate Alliance), Tim Russ (Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2), Andre Sogliuzzo (X-Men: Destiny), Chris Cox (Marvel Heroes), John DiMaggio (Lego Marvel Super Heroes)

Piotr (Or, for those of us who don’t like puzzling over Russian pronunciations, “Peter”) Rasputin was born on the Ust-Ordynski collective farm in Soviet Siberia. He adored his younger sister, Illyana and idolized his late brother, Mikhail, a cosmonaut who died in a rocket accident. A quiet, hardworking boy who was also a talented artist. A mutant, whose powers naturally manifested themselves in adolescence. What’s his skillset, you ask? Well, only the incredibly overpowered ability to convert his body tissue into an organic, steel-like object, granting him superhuman strength. One would think that this would’ve made the Soviet authorities someone antsy, but apparently, for all it’s problems, the Soviet Union had a surprisingly liberal policy towards mutants, because Peter went on living his life on the farm, preferring to help out his friends and neighbours support the glorious Soviet regime instead of doing grandiose superheroing,  failing to become the first Soviet character that isn’t just a Russian caricature.

I just realized that Fearless Leader looks way more like a Nazi, but it’s not like I give a shit about the accuracy of cultural portrayals in fucking Rocky & Bullwinkle, so let’s move on.

Peter joined the second generation of the X-Men (Along With Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler and others), brought together by Professor X to rescue the original X-Men (Angel, Iceman, Jean Grey et al.) from Krakoa, the Living Island.

Yeah, I don’t fucking know.

Since then, Colossus has been an integral part of the X-Men, making it all the more strange that he would appear in the Deadpool movie, considering that the X-Man that Deadpool is usually associated with is his rival, Wolverine, but I’m happy to see him regardless of the fact that Daniel Cudmore isn’t reprising the role, for some reason.

Wade Wilson/Deadpool

It has been foretold.

First appearance: The New Mutants  #98 (February 1991)

Created by: Rob Liefeld, Fabian Nicieza

Portrayed by: Ryan Reynolds (Buried, The Nines, The Voices)

Other portrayals: Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Will Friedle (Ultimate Spider-Man), Takehito Koyasu (Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers), Nolan North (Hulk Vs Wolverine, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, Marvel Heroes, Deadpool (Video Game), Lego Marvel Super Heroes, Marvel Pinball) John Kassir (X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse, Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2), Steven Blum (X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Video Game), Tom Kenny (Marvel Super Hero Squad Online)

In retrospect, I probably should’ve led with the title character, but nevertheless, here we are.

For being the main character, Deadpool’s pre-mercenary life is extremely hard to pin down. This is because, for reasons I’ll get into in a bit, Deadpool is completely insane and, like other characters that are completely nutty, like Joker and Bullseye, the mercenary formerly known as Wade Wilson’s brain is too addled to remember many details from their early years. What is universally agreed upon is that Wade Wilson was born in Canada, had an abusive childhood and became a mercenary in his late teens, after a short stint with the army. Learning that he had contracted cancer, Wade was offered salvation in the form of Department K, the Canadian wing of the Weapon X program. Becoming a guinea pig for Department K (More specifically, Doctor Killebrew and the sadistic Ajax), Wade was given a superhuman healing factor, even stronger than Wolverine’s, which allowed him to heal almost instantly from severe injuries like disemboweling and amputations, and halted the progress of his cancer, although his healing factor was so accelerated that it horribly deformed his skin, and the healing factor’s effect on his brain drove him insane. Wade’s twisted sense of humour and mental fortitude earned him the admiration of his fellow “patients”, who liked to place bets in a “deadpool” on which subjects would survive the experiments.

Foreshadowing!

One day, Wade decided to mercy kill one of his friends, who was lobotomized by Ajax after the latter grew tired of Wade’s relentless taunting. Since killing another patient was strictly forbidden, Killebrew allowed Ajax to kill Wade, which he promptly did by ripping out his heart. Ajax, however, didn’t count on Wade’s incredible healing factor healing him immediately. The exertion of recuperating from having his goddamned heart torn out drove Wade over the edge, and he executed a violent breakout with his fellow patients, adopting the name “Deadpool”.

Nowadays, Deadpool is always portrayed as an anti-hero, although he did appear as a straight-up villain in his earlier appearances. He was worked as a mob enforcer and, most frequently, as a mercenary, leading him to interact with not-particularly nice people, and he became a rival of Wolverine’s, frequently going out of his way to annoy antagonize him, whether his job called for it or not. That said, he’s gradually been becoming a better person over the comics, and it’s suggested that, at his core, he just wants to be one of the good guys, but his mental condition and annoying personality don’t help matters. However, he has been a part of teams before, even being invited to join the X-Men at one point, despite not technically being a mutant.

Deadpool suffers from schizophrenia (Which sometimes manifests itself in the comics as yellow and blue text bubbles) and ultraviolent tendencies, frequently killing off his enemies in darkly comic fashion. A short fuse, Deadpool has gone so far as to shoot somebody in the face for the heinous crime of preferring the Star Wars prequels to the original trilogy. Is that a crime? Sure. Is it punishable by death?…

… Debatable.

In addition to the near-immortality that his healing factor grants (Though he is currently dead in the comics) and his motor-mouthing tendencies (They don’t call him the “Merc With a Mouth” for nothing), Deadpool’s most notable attribute is his knowledge that he is a comic book character, treating the fourth wall like something to be routinely brutalized with a battering ram.

DeadpoolYelso20

Also, his text balloons are always yellow. Zero clue why.

Originally a drunk drawing of DC Comics villain Deathstroke by Rob Liefeld, Deadpool’s popularity has skyrocketed, to the point where a movie adaptation, with Ryan Reynolds, a fan of the character, attached to play the lead role, was in development as early as 2003. Reynolds finally appeared as Wade Wilson in the godawful X-Men Origins: Wolverine, where his portrayal was praised… Until the dipshits in charge of the decision-making process decided to have his mouth sewn shut at the end.

black and white animated GIF

Thankfully, fans are getting the Deadpool movie we deserve in February, so all is forgiven.

As with Suicide Squad, I’ll have more character profiles written if more characters are revealed when the next trailer drops. Hopefully, none of you learn that there are people who do this job way better than me out there.

Peace out, you sexy beasts!

To be continued…

Probably… 

My (Revised) Top 20 Movies of 2014

Three of these didn’t blow.

I know I originally did this list way back in late December, but it would be kind of stupid of me to have watched all those movies I watched for Oscar season and having had my opinion evolve without re-doing the list. So, uh, here you go.

20. Big Hero 6

Dear god, do I want a Baymax plushie. Have I mentioned that yet? I don’t care, I still want one.

Genres: Animated, superhero, comedy

Directed by: Don Hall (Winnie the Pooh) and Chris Williams (Bolt)

Voices of: Ryan Potter, Scott Adsit, T.J. Miller, Jamie Chung, Damon Wayans, Jr., Genesis Rodriguez, Maya Rudolph, James Cromwell, Daniel Henney

I’m personally still pissed that it won Best Animated Feature, but I’m also not going to deny that Big Hero 6 is an incredibly likable movie, if not the most original or unpredictable. To be absolutely truthful, this movie probably wouldn’t rate as highly in my mind if it wasn’t for Baymax, but the other characters hold their own in terms of likability, especially Hiro and his brother, though the side characters get their share of laughs as well.

They really should’ve picked one way to pronounce “Hiro” and stuck with it, though. That’s pretty goddamn annoying.

19. The Lego Movie

Genres: Animated, comedy, adventure

Directed by: Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street)

Voices of: Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell, Elizabeth Banks, Will Arnett, Nick Offerman, Alison Brie, Charlie Day, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman

I didn’t love The Lego Movie nearly as much as some people did, but, again, I still thought it was a great movie. I thought the buildup was kind of weaker than I expected, but the rest of the film is pretty terrific fun. It’s definitely the best piece of incredibly conspicuous product placement ever made, if nothing else.

Ant it’s not even close, realy.

18. 22 Jump Street

Genres: Comedy, action

Directed by: Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (See above)

Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Peter Stormare, Wyatt Russell, Amber Stevens, Jillian Bell, Ice Cube

The second straight Phil Lord/Christopher Miller project on my list had, like The Lego Movie, kind of a weak buildup that kind of disappointed me. Thankfully, when it does pick it up, it grabs hold of the intensity knob (Heh) and turns that shit up to 11 (Out of a possible five).

“I am the unicorn wizard!!!…”

It’s not quite as good as the first movie, but as long as Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum and Ice Cube keep delivering, I genuinely wouldn’t mind seeing some of the joke sequels that were teased during the credits.

17. Edge of Tomorrow

Genres: Science fiction, action

Directed by: Doug Liman (Swingers, Go, The Bourne Identity, Fair Game)

Starring: Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton, Brendan Gleeson

Admit it, you took one look at the trailer for Edge of Tomorrow (Or All You Need is Kill. Or Live. Die. Repeat.) and rolled your eyes. “Oh great, another Tom Cruise sci-fi movie. Why can’t this Scientologist prick just fuck off into irrelevancy and take his smug-ass demeanor (As well as his tremendous talent for making action movies) with him?” Then you learnt about the plot. “Oh, fucking brilliant. Oblivion meets Groundhog Day??? Jesus Christ, are there no more original ideas in Hollywood?”

Yes. Yes there are.

And then, you actually watched Edge of Tomorrow. That made you feel pretty stupid, didn’t it?

16. The Theory of Everything

Genre: Biographical romantic drama

Directed by: James Marsh (Man on Wire, Project Nim)

Starring: Eddie Redmayne, Felicity Jones, Charlie Cox, Simon McBurney, David Thewlis, Maxine Peake

This movie has gotten a lot of recent criticism for essentially being just another paint-by-numbers Oscar movie, but even so, I really like it. I definitely understand the complaint that it’s a merely okay movie with good performances, but when those performances are as good as the ones you get from Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones, I frankly don’t see that much reason to hate it all that much. I can understand being adverse to it, but I enjoy it, personally.

15. Selma

Genre: Historical drama

Directed by: Ava DuVernay

Starring: David Oyelowo, Tom Wilkinson, Carmen Ejogo, Andre Holland, Tessa Thompson, Giovanni Ribisi, Lorraine Touissant, Stephen James, Wendell Pierce, Common, Cuba Gooding Jr., Tim Roth, Oprah Winfrey

It’s bullshit that Ava DuVernay didn’t get nominated. And that’s all I have to say about that.

14. The Imitation Game

Genre: Historical thriller

Directed by: Morten Tyldum (Headhunters)

Starring: Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightley, Matthew Goode, Rory Kinnear, Charles Dance, Mark Strong

Much like (Although maybe not quite as much as) The Theory of Everything for being another “Oscar-bait” movie, and while I do generally have a problem with that term, I can see what people get at when they criticize it. That said, even more than The Theory of Everything, I love this movie, mostly for Benedict Cumberbatch’s performance.

13. John Wick

Genre: Action thriller

Directed by: Chad Stahelski, David Leitch

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Michael Nyqvist, Alfie Allen, Adrianne Palicki, Bridget Moynahan, Dean Winters, Ian McShane, John Leguizamo, Willem DeFoe

Oh, just read the entry for Edge of Tomorrow again.

12. Top Five

Genre: Comedy

Directed by: Chris Rock

Starring: Chris Rock, Rosario Dawson, Gabrielle Union, J.B. Smoove, Cedric the Entertainer, Tracy Morgan

Cedric the Entertainer is fucking disgusting. This movie has convinced me of that.

Also, DMX has the voice of an angel.

11. Guardians of the Galaxy

Genre: Superhero

Directed by: James Gunn (Slither)

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Lee Pace, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Djimon Hounsou, John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, Benicio del Toro

I saw this movie four times in theatres, and it got a little better each time for me. I’m sure most of you are sick to death of it by now, so I’ll just say that if you haven’t seen it yet, do so immediately.

10. The Tale of the Princess Kaguya

Genres: Anime, drama, fantasy

Directed by: Isao Takahata (Grave of the Fireflies, Pom Poko, My Neighbors the Yamadas)

Voices of: Asi Asakura, Kengo Kora, Takeo Chii, Nobuko Miyamoto, Atsuko Takahata

English dub: Chloe Grace Moretz, Darren Criss, James Caan, Mary Steenbergen, Lucy Liu

I haven’t talked very much about Studio Ghibli, as I’m just now starting to get into Japan’s answer to Disney, but The Tale of the Princess Kaguya sold me on them. As cliched a noun as “beautiful” is in describing movies, it’s a perfect word to describe this dreamlike movie. The art style in this movie is brilliantly executed, and the last fifteen to twenty minutes or so are composed of some of the best animated sequences I’ve ever seen. Also, the soundtrack in this movie is terrific. It figures that I’d get into Studio Ghibli right when they decided to go on a hiatus.

9. How to Train Your Dragon 2

Genres: Animated, fantasy

Directed by: Dean DeBlois (Lilo & Stitch, How to Train Your Dragon)

Voices of: Jay Baruchel, Cate Blanchett, Gerard Butler, Craig Ferguson, America Ferrara, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jonah Hill, T.J. Miller, Kristen Wiig, Djimon Hounsou, Kit Harington

As much as I loved Princess Kaguya, it just couldn’t beat out my highly developed Western ethnocentrism.

8. Nightcrawler

Genre: Crime thriller

Directed by: Dan Gilroy

Starring: Jake Gyllenhal, Rene Russo, Riz Ahmed, Bill Paxton

It’s bullshit that Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t get nominated. That’s all I have to say about that (Again).

7. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Genre; Superhero

Directed by: Anthony and Joe Russo (Community)

Starring: Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Cobie Smulders, Frank Grillo, Emily VanCamp, Robert Redford, Samuel L. Jackson

Terrific movie, but did we ever ind out what happened to Red Skull in the first movie? That kinda seems like something you wouldn’t wanna gloss over.

6. The Grand Budapest Hotel

Genre: Comedy

Directed by: Wes Anderson (Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Moonrise Kingdom)

Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Tony Revolori, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Saoirse Ronan, Edward Norton, Jude Law, Harvey Keitel, F. Murray Abraham, Mathieu Amalric

The Grand Budapest Hotel is actually the only Wes Anderson movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s tough to think that any of his movies could possibly be better than The Grand Budapest Hotel. Just give me dark, whimsical, occasionally crude humour in formal, colourful environments and I’ll be putty in your hand, I guess.

5. Gone Girl

Genre: Psychological thriller

Directed by: David Fincher (Seven, The Game, Fight Club, Zodiac, The Social Network, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

Starring: Ben Affleck, Rosamund Pike, Carrie Coon, Tyler Perry, Neil Patrick Harris

Blood…. So much blood… Poor Ben…

4. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Genre: Science fiction

Directed by: Matt Reeves (Let Me In)

Starring: Andy Serkis, Toby Kebbell, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, Keri Russell, Kodi Smit-McPhee

It’s bullshit that Andy Serkis and Toby Kebbell… Ah, fuck it.

3. X-Men: Days of Future Past

Genre: Superhero

Directed by: Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects, X-Men, X2)

Starring: Hugh Jackman, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicolas Hoult, Evan Peters, Ellen Page, Peter Dinkage, Shawn Ashmore

With all the love that Marvel movies keep getting, it’s easy to forget that Fox has been churning out quality X-Men movies (Brett Ratner and shitty Deadpool aside). Days of Future Past (Based on the popular story arc fro mthe comics) continues on in that tradition, combining the older actors from the original trilogy with the newer actors from X-Men: First Class. Hopefully, X-Men: Apocalypse is just as good. Also, while we’re hopin  things, I hope the sexual assault allegations against Bryan Singer turn out to be false.

One of those definitely seems more likely than the other. But hey, Channing Tatum’s gonna be Gambit and Nightcrawler is coming back, so it all works out in the end.

2. Whiplash

Genre: Drama

Directed by: Damien Chazelle

Starring: Miles Teller, J.K. Simmons, Paul Reiser, Melissa Benoist

Until I saw Whiplash, I thought for the longest time that there wasn’t any real competition for my favourite movie of the year. It didn’t quite get there, but hey, 2nd place ain’t bad. J.K. Simmons especially did a really good job-“

“Excuse me? You dropped my movie to second place for some fucking Hollywood circle jerk art house piece of shit?”

Oh, uh, Doctor Fletcher, I-

“Did I say you could speak, bitch?”

(Whimpers)

“If you deliberately sabotage my movie, I will gut you like a pig!”

I’m no sabotaging it, I, really loved it, I-I-

“Oh my dear god, are you actually crying? Are you one of those single-tear people?”

N–n-no!!

“You are a worthless pansy-ass who is now weeping and slobbering all over your keyboard like a nine year old girl! “

(Starts straight-up bawling)

“… Whiplash is your favourite movie. Say it.”

Whiplash is my favorite movie.

“Say it so the entire internet can hear you. “

Whiplash is my favourite movie! 

“LOUDER!!!”

WHIPLASH IS MY FAVOURITE MOVIE!!!!

” You are a worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of shit who is under the delusion that he has any writing talent to share with anybody, and who is now weeping and slobbering all over his computer like a fucking nine-year old girl! So for the final, FATHER-FUCKING time, SAY IT LOUDER! “

WHIPLASH IS MY FAVOURITE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…Start practicing harder, Rollins.

(Resumes sobbing)

1. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Genres: Surreal comedy, black comedy

Directed by: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Amores Perros, 21 Grams, Babel)

Starring: Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts, Andrea Riseborough, Amy Ryan

No, I’m not bandwagoning. I loved Birdman even before it won Best Picture. If you really want me to go into it, read my review, or my Oscar predictions, for that matter. It’s my favourite movie of this year, possibly one of my favourite movies of all time, and that’s really all you can ask out of a year in movies.

Especially when there’ no hilarious Nicolas Cage performance to rewatch. God, that movie blows/

Coming Soon to PKTM…

Whoever got the brilliant idea to start running back-to-school ads in July should be quietly executed.

Holy crap, so much for one hundred posts this year, huh?

In my defense, I’ve been kind of busy this past week what with starting my senior year of high school and working late for the last few days. And even worse, I don’t have a topic to rant about (At least, not one that hasn’t been rendered irrelevant thanks to procrastination on my part), or a movie on tap to review (Thanks to the fact that no interesting movies are coming out for a while).  However, far be from me to let some crappy education get in the way of my bitching about unimportant things. Here are some things coming up here at PKTM that I hopefully will not chicken out on actually writing (This is what is known as a “filler post”).

Movie Reviews: The most prominent feature of this blog isn’t going away any time, and, in fact is probably gonna get even more prominent now that I’ve discovered that public transportation is not merely a way for the mentally unstable to get from place to place. Fun fact: It’s also an effective way to get to movie theatres. Who knew, right?

I plan to do a lot more reviews for new movies, seeing them the Friday that they come out (And hopefully getting them out some time during the following weekend) or, failing that, as soon as I possibly can (Unless they’re horror movies, because 95% of horror movies suck). Some movie reviews that y’all should look forward to soon include (But do not exclude):

  • The Maze Runner
  • The Equalizer
  • Gone Girl
  • The Judge
  • Fury
  • The Book of Life
  • Fuckin’ Birdman!!!
  • Laggies
  • Interstellar
  • Big Hero 6 (If I can get into a showing devoid of small children)
  • Foxcatcher
  • The Hunger Games: Mockingjay -Part 1

So yeah, I’ll probably get around to seeing those movies (Unless circumstances prevent me), and I’ll do previously released movies as well, but maybe not as frequently as before (Which wasn’t that frequent to begin with). Also, as was the case before, I’ll be reviewing any movies nominated for Oscars or Golden Raspberries. Hopefully, I won’t end up two movies short again this year.

Hey man, you try figuring out what the hell to take away from The Great Beauty.

Other Movie Stuff: Ever wondered who would win in a fight to the death between the great Quentin Tarantino villains? No? Not even a little bit? Well, screw you guys, I want to figure that out.

Also, with a bizarre Dynasty Warriors/Legend of Zelda crossover coming out later this month, I ponder how one could adapt the video game phenomenon that is The Legend of Zelda to the big screen. If it should  be adapted at all, I mean.

And, with Disney following up the all-conquering juggernaut of a movie that was Frozen with Big Hero 6 in November, I count down the Top 15 animated films of the 21st century. Hopefully, I get around to finishing that.

An Introduction to Canada: I really hope to get back on this, because I really had fun doing the articles on geography, which is coincidentally the most fun I’ve ever had with anything geography related in my life.

Instinctive Rants: Poorly thought out, rushed and usually overly vulgar. God, I love ’em.

TV Reviews: More on this later, but long story short, I’m going to be reviewing TV shows (And the MLB playoffs, because why the hell not?) starting with Gotham later this month. Stay tuned, people.