Who the F*** Are the Suicide Squad?!?! (Part 2 of 3)

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Why is El Diablo wearing a letterman jacket?

“Why Kenny” you may be asking, “What’s up with this horrid new background colour?”

My response: I don’t fucking know, why don’t you ask WordPress? They’re the ones who changed it without consulting me, and won’t let me change it without upgrading to WordPress Premium!

I spent two hours raging at the hand that feeds, even writing a couple snippy tweets to post @Wordpress  when I could’ve been writing this post or catching up on one of the many shows that I’m behind on (Follow me on Twitter here, please and thank you!!!).

Ah well, such is life. Part 1 (Where I talked about the ever-ubiquitous characters of El Diablo, Slipknot and Katana) can be found here if you missed that. For now, let’s just get on with it.

Rick Flag

Do they make turtleneck sweaters that tight?

First appearance: The Brave and the Bold #25 (1959)

Created by: Robert Kanigher and Ross Andru

Portrayed by: Joel Kinnaman (The Killing, RoboCop, Run All Night) (Fun fact: It was originally gonna be Tom Hardy, but he dropped out due to his commitment to The Revenant)

Other portrayals: Adam Baldwin (Justice League Unlimited, Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate) Ted Whittall (Smallville) Lex Lang (Justice League: The New Frontier)

There are a grand total of three Rick Flags in the DC Comic Universe, and as far as I know, it hasn’t been specified which one appears in Suicide Squad, exactly, but it’s a pretty safe assumption that the Rick Flag appearing into this movie is the second one, Rick Flag, Jr.

Flag’s dad, the original Ricky F, was the leader of an elite squadron of soldiers named the Suicide Squadron (No real relation). He married Sharon Race, and had a kid who, in a shocking turn of events, was also named Rick Flag. Little Ricky’s presumed happiness was short-lived when his mom was killed saving him from oncoming traffic, and his dad sacrificed himself to save an entire town from annihilation. Flag then devoted himself to the military, and was eventually recruited into the Suicide Squad.

And that’s the story of Rick Flag….. Or is it?

See, there’s a chance that Flag’s real name is actually Anthony Miller, and that he was tortured by General Wade Eiling (Another DC supervillain) and brainwashed into thinking that he’s the son of Rick Flag. So, yeah, intrigue!

Flag doesn’t have any superpowers, but he is in peak physical condition, and is a master soldier, pilot and has terrific leadership skills, being the field leader for the Suicide Squad until his character was phased out in recent years, replaced by Deadshot. He is not without his flaws, though, as he has a history of mental instability, even leading an entire Suicide Squad to their deaths during a poorly thought out mission. He doesn’t appear to be the field leader of this iteration of the Squad, due to him being both A) a lesser-known character in the comics nowadays and b) not Will Smith.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll take a supporting role in this summer blockbuster. I’ll just hang out here in the background.”- Not Will Smith, ever.

June Moon/Enchantress

And on your left, the face of Chanel!

First appearance: Strange Adventures #187 (April 1966)

Created by: Bob Haney, Howard Purcell

Portrayed by: Cara Delevingne (Paper Towns)

Other portrayals: N/A (Appeared sans lines in Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox)

Freelance artist June Moone was visiting a creepy old castle when she wandered into a place that should’ve been left well alone, where a strange being granted her magic powers. Taking hints from Shazam, the only way that she can summon her power is by saying the word “Enchantress”, upon which an unknown, malevolent entity known only as Enchantress takes control of her. While June Moon is a sweet, innocent human being, Enchantress is cruel and ruthless, taking joy in spreading fear and chaos throughout the world. After a couple stints as a hero, her amoral, power-hungry nature got her in a conflict with Supergirl, and she was portrayed as either a villain or, at best, a jerk anti-hero.

While Enchantress was a member of the Squad for a time, I don’t know if she’ll actually be part of the team in the movie, since she only appears with the other Squaddies in the one poster, and not at all during the trailer. We’ll see, I gue-OH MY GOD!!!!!

That thing is Enchantress, by the way. And the lil’ fella in the bottom left is Superman, profusely shitting himself.

Waylon Jones/Killer Croc

You don’t see the resemblance?

First appearance: Batman #357 (March 1983)

Created by: Gerry Conway and Gene Colan

Portrayed by:  Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (The Bourne Identity, Lost, Game of Thrones)

Other portrayals: Aron Kincaid (Batman: The Animated Series) Brooks Gardner (The New Batman Adventures) Ron Motherfucking Perlman (The Batman), Stephen Root (Batman: The Brave and the Bold), Wade Williams (Beware the Batman), Fred Tatasciore (Son of Batman), John DiMaggio (Batman Unlimited:Animal Instincts), Steven Blum (Batman: Arkham Asylum, Batman: Arkham City), Khary Payton (Batman: Arkham Origins)

Waylon Jones was a poor orphan from the slums of Tampa, Florida (Although he has occasionally been portrayed as being a Louisiana Cajun), so his upbringing would’ve been shitty enough even when you discount the fact that he was born with some sort of atavistic disorder that gave him a slightly reptilian appearance and personality. He moved in with his shithead aunt to Gotham City, which is a very slight step up from Tampa, I suppose.

Tampans, if you’re still sticking around, then you people are terrific sports, and I commend you for it.

His aunt bullied and abused him as a teen, so much so that he ended up murdering her, and turned to a life of crime. Repeated run-ins with Batman and multiple stays in the hellhole that is Arkham Asylum turned him into a hardened murderer. In addition to that loveliness, his atavism progressed to the point where he has crossed the line from “Human being that looks kinda scaly to- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

“FUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUU STEEEVE IIIIRWIIIIN!!!”

I’m so relevant.

Anyways, besides his appearance, another thing that changed was OH MY FUCKING GOD TROY TULOWITZKI IS A TORONTO BLUE JAY?!?!?! WHAT FUCKING PLANET AM I LIVING ON!?!?!?!

Ahem. Sorry. Sports stuff.

Anyways, Jones’ low intelligence and tendency for primitive behaviors manifested itself into sociopathy and a taste for human flesh. I challenge Warner Bros. to make THAT PG-13.

Next Time: Captain Boomerang, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, and Amanda Waller!!!

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4 comments on “Who the F*** Are the Suicide Squad?!?! (Part 2 of 3)

  1. Jay says:

    Well, I think I’m inching toward understanding. Thanks!

  2. […] those of you who missed them, Parts 1 and 2 can be found here and here, respectively. Let’s go ahead and get going with the biggest stereotype on the […]

  3. […] mere week or so after I completed my Suicide Squad posts (Parts 1, 2 and 3 can be found here, here and here, respectively), a slightly condensed version of the Deadpool trailer from […]

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