June 2015 Movie (And Spoiler-free Game of Thrones!!!) Round-up

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I’m cheering for the horse, personally.

There’s not much to report in this month’s round-up, mainly because I already did a round-up earlier this month. 

That said, I did see one movie, so I kind of have to review that, and I also figured that now would be as good a time as any to give my final thoughts on the latest season of Game of Thrones. I was planning to do a full-fledged review of the whole season, but considering I’ve already devoted around 10 000 words to that season, I figure I can half-ass it just this once.

Onwards!!!

Game of Thrones– Season 5 (No Spoilers, don’t worry)

Oh god, I’m getting a nervous twitch and random twinges of depression just thinking about it.

Directed by: Michael Slovis, Mark Mylod, Jeremy Podeswa, Miguel Sapochnik, David Nutter

Written by: David Benioff, D.B. Weiss, Dave Hill, Bryan Cogman

Starring: Peter Dinklage, Emilia Clarke, Lena Headey, Kit Harington, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Natalie Dormer, Stephen Dillane, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Jonathan Pryce, Aidan Gillen, Carice van Houten, Liam Cunningham, John Bradley-West, Jerome Flynn, Alfie Allen, Gwendoline Christie, Indira Varma, Conleth Hill, Hannah Murray, Michiel Huisman, Nathalie Emmanuel, Kristofer Hivju, Tom Wlaschiha, Dean-Charles Chapman, Michael McElhatton, Iwan Rheon

Plot: Let’s face it, you’ve seen it by now.

This is the first Game of Thrones season that is really diverging from the framework that the books set out. How do I feel about this? Well, to put it as open-mindedly as possible, I don’t give a flying fuck and neither should you. The show and the book are different. I don’t give a shit about Lady Stoneheart (Don’t look it up. That’s a book spoiler), if she doesn’t appear, she doesn’t appear. They can only cram so much shit into a show before it collapses under its own weight.

So, yeah, this is another great season, if probably the weakest of the five so far. Some of the storylines don’t go anywhere (*Cough* Dorne *Cough*) and some of the characters fall flat (*Cough* Sand Snakes *Cough*) and weren’t written particularly well.

My name is We are Inigo Montoya the Sand Snakes. You killed my our father. Prepare to die.

That said, even the worst Game of Thrones season is better than many show’s best season, so I can’t complain too much.

  • Tyrion meeting Daenarys is the best thing ever (It’s not a spoiler. Look at the fucking poster).
  • Cersei Lannister’s fall from grace fascinated me. Only a Game of Thrones story arc could make me feel the utmost hatred for a character, take the next logical step to schadenfreude once things start to go wrong for them, and then have those feelings turn to outright pity. You know, even if everything that happens to her is her own goddamn fault.
  • As weak as the Dorne storyline ended up being, there are three scenes I did like, two of which came at the end, and one of which I like for purely shallow reasons. If you’ve seen the episode, you know which one I’m talking about.
  • –  The storyline in Meereen is actually one of the stronger parts of this season. that doesn’t make some of Daenarys’ decisions any less puzzling, though.
  • If you’re actually upset that a show that is known for being overwhelmingly dark is being overwhelmingly dark, then I don’t know what to say to you. Be serious, maybe.

Rating: 8.5/10

Mortdecai

Oh, fuck off.

Directed by: David Koepp

Written by: Eric Aronson

Starring: The soulless husk of Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum

Plot: Charlie Mortdecai (Depp) is a sleazy, pompous English art smuggler who is deep in debt. To recoup his losses, he agrees to help a secret agent (Ewan McGregor) find a stolen painting.

You know that an actor’s in a rut when their best performance in a while has been the cameo they made in a reboot of their old TV show.

That was legitimately amazing, though.

  • Uh… Paltrow and McGregor are alright, I guess.
  • – Seriously, Johnny Depp is too good of an actor to rehash his Jack Sparrow character every performance… Right???
  • –  This movie’s 106 minutes long, and it feels three times that length. Unfunny comedies tend to do that.
  • – Repeating jokes aren’t usually funny, but they can be. This movie tries around three or four repeat gags. They’re all spectacularly bottom of the barrel.

Rating: 2/10

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2 comments on “June 2015 Movie (And Spoiler-free Game of Thrones!!!) Round-up

  1. Jay says:

    Oh lordy, I kinda forgot that Mortdecai even existed.

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