Ben Affleck is Batman… And I’m (Somewhat) Okay With That!

I was gonna do a quick bit on why I’m an awful, awful person (Maybe some other time), but something much more important caught my attention.

Specifically: Who the hell cast Ben Affleck as Batman?

Does… not… compute…

So, unfortunately for my dead in the water burgeoning writing career, I will be wrestling with this for an indeterminate amount of time. For now, having seen Daredevilbut having also seen Argo and Good Will HuntingI am choosing to reserve judgement and urge everybody to please remain calm. Remember how everybody was pissed when Heath Ledger was cast as the Joker? Well, that turned out okay, right?

Previous career-defining role: A gay cowboy.

Of course, Brokeback Mountain was actually a good movie, while Gigli was not… But then again, Gigli was released ten whole years ago. I, personally, choose to judge Affleck by his most recent work. Unfortunately, even the great movie that was Argo is lost on the idiot who still calls him “Ben Asslick” ten years after that was relevant in any way.

Am I saying that I would have cast Benny as the Bat? No. I probably would have gone with a relative unknown, or a TV actor like, I dunno, Jon Hamm? Would Jon Hamm have been good as Batman?

Okay, yeah, they should have cast Jon Hamm.

I choose to remain “optimistically cynical” (Shit, does that make sense?) about our new Batman, but come on Internet. Calm the hell down. Give the poor man (Or filthy rich man. Whatever) the benefit of the doubt. And for chrissakes, can we stop using Gigli as the be-all and end-all when talking about Ben Affleck? In fact, you’re on the internet right now, so go watch Argo and then come back and tell me he sucked in it. Go on, I’ll wait!

So how was that? That’s right asshole, you LIKED Ben Affleck in that movie! Now shut the fuck up about Jennifer Lopez already!

Or so help him, Ben Affleck will shove his Oscar so far up your ass, you’ll think you’re watching Pearl Harbor again.

(They probably should have cast Jon Hamm.)

(Or Karl Urban…FUCK! It should have been Karl Urban!)

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